Hong Kong Throwdown
by CrystalOfEllinon
Summary: A cobra plot, ninja, ninja fights, people getting shot, Snake Eyes and Scarlett fraternizing, and requested scenes. Enjoy. M for language, violence, and sex.
1. Chapter 1

A _jian _is a chinese sword. It has a straight, narrow blade and is generally longer than the larger, heavier Chinese broadsword. 'Ninjas in Shaolin' is a really, really bad 80's shlockfest that I absolutely adore and have watched more than is probably healthy. The plot is exactly what you would expect from the title; ninja attack Shaolin. Kung fu battles and bad dubbing ensue. I need to watch that movie again...

Oh…and willwrite4fics? Glue traps will happen. You know what I'm talking about.

* * *

"According to our intel, known Cobra agents, recently in the employ of Tomax and Xamot, have been seen by American intelligence agents in Hong Kong. Rumor is that they were looking to purchase bulk quantities of, of all things, mineral samples. The CIA decided the matter was my problem." Hawk eyed the eight Joes in standing at attention in his office. "I have no idea what they're getting at, and I don't _like_ not knowing what the sneaky bastards are up to." The general grimaced. "I somehow seriously doubt that the Commander has taken up rock collecting for the fun of it. You're going to go and figure out what is going on. You will be undercover as tourists; I've provided Scarlett and Jaye with the appropriate intel briefs, and they can fill you in on people and particulars on the way over. Scarlett, Jaye, and Storm all speak Chinese, and I know you understand a little of it, Snake. Any questions?"

Storm raised an eyebrow. "What kind of force are we authorized to use when…ahem…_gathering_ information?"

Hawk sighed. "Bamboo slivers to their fingernails and cigarette lighters are out. Try talking first, please."

A sigh. "Yes, sir."

Hawk shook his head. "Any other questions?" He waited a moment. "Good. Wild Bill is transport in, Clutch is ground transport. Storm and Snake, of course, are intelligence gathering and muscle if you need it. Plus, Storm apparently has contacts in the city, which might come in useful. He can also blend in better than the rest of you in some of the more rural areas."

A snort from the ninja in question. "Sir, with all due respect, I'm not Chinese."

"Well, you look more like it than Scarlett does." Hawk said dryly. "As I was saying…Scarlett and Jaye are intel, of course. Flint, Stalker, you both have undercover experience, you'll add to the image of a group of tourists, and you're good muscle if necessary. Gear up; you all know what you'll need. You'll be checking in every six hours. Good luck."

Three hours later, on a troop transport, Jaye and Scarlett were handing around pictures and detailing the situation.

"They were spotted in a small export company in the New Territories district that specializes in import and export of geologic curiosities." Scarlett glared at the picture in her hand. "We don't know his name, but we know that he works for the twins. Balding, mid thirties, distinct scar on his right cheek. The woman has no ties to Cobra, but she's been seen with him several times according to the intel briefs the CIA provided us. They might be romantically involved."

Storm eyed the picture. "_Someone_ needs to learn to duck when he gets in a knife fight."

A snort. The white clad ninja turned to eye his sword brother.

*You should talk…do you still have that scar on your scalp where I clipped you a few years back?*

"Shut up, Snake."

Flint pointed a warning finger at them. "Keep the arguing to a minimum, please."

Storm huffed. "Killjoy."

"_Anyway…_" Jaye spoke loudly enough to get their attention. "We'll be on twelve hour shifts, and we'll be working as four man teams. Team composition depends on the situation, so we might occasionally be pulling double shifts. Storm, Hawk said you had contacts in the city?"

The ninja lifted a shoulder. "I know a few people, yes."

"Any that might be helpful?"

"Honestly? No idea." Storm shrugged again. "I haven't been to Hong Kong in years. I'll poke around, though. There are a few people who still owe me favors, too."

Snake Eyes grinned suddenly and clicked his fingers. Tommy glanced over. Snake's fingers moved rapidly; *After the mission, we should take a little side trip.* He fingerspelled rapidly. *S.O.N.G. S.H.A.N.*

Storm Shadow _grinned._ "Oh, _definitely."_

Scarlett, briefing done with, just rolled her eyes. "You two are _not_ reenacting the plot of 'Ninjas in Shaolin'."

Jaye sighed and shook her head. Flint, Stalker and Clutch looked quizzically at their teammates.

"Song Shan province." Jaye said absently. "Location of the famed Shaolin temple."

"We don't want to _challenge_ them." Storm had a dreamy sort of look on his face "But they've got some _really _interesting techniques that I wouldn't mind learning…"

*The A.R.H.A.T forms.* Snake Eyes grinned under his mask. *You just can't learn them properly anywhere else.*

"That and the original variant of Liu He Quan…it's not taught _anywhere_ else." Storm sighed. "Trust me…I've looked around."

Scarlett perked up. "That's the way of the six harmonies fist, right? They still teach the original form?"

"Unchanged for two thousand years." Storm looked wistful. "I would _kill_ for an hour with their grandmaster."

Scarlett looked thoughtful. "Do you two suppose you could get us in? I mean, it isn't like they teach random people who wander in off the street."

*No idea, but I'd sure give it a shot.* Snake Eyes signed. *Tommy, you have any idea how well the monks would take to ninja?*

"No clue…we could offer to teach them one of our techniques, though." Tommy looked thoughtful. "There's the _kasuri-kama_ form…the Striking Viper…that's unique to the Arashikage. There are a few of our unarmed forms. Then there are the Arashikage sword forms…but they don't use _ninjato _in Kung Fu_. _There's also the Trance of the Sleeping Phoenix, of course. None of the other clans have _any_ of the Shaolin techniques, so it would be a fair trade."

*Definitely.*

Flint looked at Jaye. "Does anything they just said make sense to you?"

"Not a word." Jaye shook her head. "I got that they want to go to the Shaolin temple, but then they started speaking Greek or something."

Clutch blinked. "You speak Greek, Jaye."

She shot the tank driver a withering look. "It's an expression, Clutch."

Stalker was just shaking his head at his two old friends as Snake and Storm fell into an involved discussion over whether or not a _ninjato_ form could be adapted to a Chinese _jian_. Scarlett was listening and watching with interest. "I'm going to take a nap. They'll be going on like that for awhile." The tracker leaned back and closed his eyes, and started snoring almost immediately.

Off to the side, Scarlett interjected into the ninja's conversation suddenly. "Have either of you ever trained with a hook sword?"

Storm perked up. "No…I've always wanted to. Suppose we'd be able to get that into the deal?"

*Don't see why not.* Snake Eyes looked thoughtful. *That's not a secret technique, but I can't think of a better place to learn some of the basics.*

Flint sighed. "You three do remember we've got a mission, right? Side trips are strictly hypothetical right now, and Hawk probably won't okay the extra expenses anyways."

All three martial artists snorted. "I will happily pay for the whole trip." Storm grinned.

*I'll chip in.* Snake Eyes offered. *I'm due for some leave time anyway…you could go back and leave the three of us for a week or so. We could pass it off as training if Hawk gets too fussy.*

"A week with the Shaolin grandmaster." Storm sighed happily. "I would swim through a river of irritable piranhas for that."

"Ditto." Scarlett nodded. "We haven't forgotten the mission, Flint. Please indulge us some wet dreams here. Good for morale and all that."

The warrant officer shook his head. "You're all nuts."

Scarlett rolled her eyes. "Duh."

Jaye patted her lover on the shoulder. "Relax, Flint. You know beating people up puts them in a good mood."

"Getting beaten up by a really spectacular master also puts me in a good mood." Scarlett pointed out. "Why do you think I hang around with Snake so much?" She considered. "Well, one reason I hang around with Snake so much."

"Crazy." Flint sighed. "All of you."


	2. Chapter 2

It was a good few hours before they landed. Halfway through the trip they made a stop at an Air Force base, where the transport plane was swapped for a small, innocuous private jet supplied by the CIA. When they finally landed on Chinese soil, gear was shouldered, ninja were (gingerly) woken, Snake Eyes appropriated the bathroom to apply his lifelike rubber mask, and several minutes were spent attempting to get several hundred pounds of equipment and weaponry into the rental van. (Two bags _each _for Snake and Storm; the ninja both considered 'packing light' to be something that didn't apply to weapons on missions of indeterminate length.)

Once people and equipment were packed into the vehicle (the ninja ability to fit oneself into an area that really shouldn't fit a grown human helped here) Storm proceeded to direct Clutch to what he claimed was "suitable motel".

Half an hour later, Clutch was glaring at the ninja, out at the sleek tower of steel and glass across the street, and back at Storm. "Is this some kind of joke?"

"Five fifty five Shanghai street? This is it." Storm looked incredibly pleased with himself.

Flint was scowling. "Storm, this is the damned Langham Place hotel. This is a five star tourist destination. Hawk is _not_ going to okay what this would cost."

"Oh ye of little faith." Storm was still grinning. "We're supposed to be posing as rich tourists, right? We might as well play the part to the hilt. Besides…real feather mattresses. And don't worry about the cost. Just trust me, okay? Contacts, remember?"

Flint looked skeptical. Jaye was eyeing the hotel with a certain amount of anticipation. "Dash, I will pay for the whole thing if I have to if it means not ending up in a cockroach trap like the _last _place we were stuck in."

Snake Eyes was just shaking his head. Scarlett was also eyeing the building with a hint of longing. She looked at Flint. "I say we follow his lead on this one. We can always make him pay for it."

Flint perked up. "True."

Twenty minutes later, they were following the ninja across the lobby. Stalker glanced around and whistled. "I am bringing my wife back here sometime."

Clutch eyed the center of the lobby. "Is that a _solid marble fountain?"_

Storm suddenly gestured to Snake Eyes, who moved over to his sword brother. There was a moment of soft, rapid Japanese, and Snake followed Tommy to the counter. The other Joes drifted along behind and listened with interest.

Tommy, smile set on 'blinding' leaned against the counter. The clerk smiled up. "Welcome. What can I do for you?"

"You can call your manager and ask him about _Ji Ji._"

The clerk blinked, but did as she was asked. The rest of the team blinked in astonishment as a well-groomed man in an expensive suit materialized within seconds. He bowed deeply to the ninja and spoke in rapid Chinese.

Tommy replied in the same, and then, much to everyone's surprise, rolled up his sleeve. Snake Eyes copied the motion.

The sight of the red lines and bars on the arms of the two men caused an immediate reaction. The man bowed even more deeply, and then turned and said something to the clerk, who went white and also bowed deeply to the two ninja.

Flint blinked and looked at Jaye. "What did they say?"

Jaye's eyebrows were making a break for her hairline. "As far as I can figure, Storm somehow knows the owner."

Stalker blinked. "Really? I'm going to have him get me and my wife a deal."

Storm, looking just incredibly smug, sauntered back with room keys just then. "What did I tell you?"

Snake Eyes was shaking his head, apparently impressed. *He got us in for free. The entire stay is on the house. Tommy?*

Employees suddenly materialized out of thin air, bowing profusely and relieving them of their bags. Tommy, still grinning, shook his head. "I'll tell you once they leave us alone."

Ten minutes later, and the Joes were attempting to scrape their jaws off of the floor as they eyed their 'rooms'.

Storm, smirking, tossed keys to the others. "We've got four suites. Jaye, Flint, you've got one. Snake, Red, you've got another…and all four of you are welcome, by the way…Bill, Clutch, 'Lonzo, you've got another. I get my own."

Flint, eyeing the truly _palatal_ suite they were standing in, for once didn't argue. "Jesus. This is…wow."

Scarlett crossed her arms. "Okay, Storm. We're all duly impressed. Now, _how?"_

Storm folded himself onto the couch, which was upholstered in what looked like silk brocade. "Twenty years ago, the man who owns this place refused to pay 'protection' to the local mob. His young son was kidnapped in retaliation. He paid the ransom, but they refused to give his son back…claimed that the slight had been too great, and could only be erased with blood. He contacted the Arashikage. My father took the contract. He got the kid back to his father safely, and suitably punished those responsible."

The ninja grinned. "The owner was so grateful that he ordered that anyone who bore the mark of my clan would be accommodated free for as long as his family owned the place. The employees think that my family is a close friend of the owner, and know that we're to be treated as if we were the owner himself. I told you…contacts."

Scarlett perked up. "So you could get us in free here _anytime, _Snake?"

"He could." Tommy nodded.

"_Nice."_ Scarlett glanced at Snake. "Next time we get leave, we're coming here."

*Fine by me.* Snake Eyes was eying his sword brother. *Any other places where I can get VIP treatment around here?*

"Not as nice as this."

Flint whistled softly. Clutch was examining the rooms enthusiastically. They heard the driver's excited voice. "Hey, Storm…is the minibar on the house too?"

"Yes." Storm said smugly. "This suite is mine, though. Go trash your own."

"We're on a _mission,_ Clutch." Flint snapped. "Break into the Johnny Walker and you will be BeachHead's personal bitch for a week after we get back."

"Jeez…I was just going for the OJ." Clutch appeared with a bottle of juice in one hand. "I think _you _need to get into the minibar, Flint."

Jaye snapped her fingers. "_Or_, we could get to work. Clutch, Flint, Storm…I'd like to check in with some of the CIA contacts, and Storm can go and see what he can dig up from his other 'contacts'. Which, if they're all as productive as this one, should be a _goldmine._"

Clutch looked vaguely disappointed, but nodded.

"Who wants to take first shift on electronics watch?" Flint, now that they were talking mission, seemed happier. "We can set up the gear in here, since Storm seems to think he needs this whole suite all to himself."

Storm raised an eyebrow. "_Who_ got you a private suite with your girlfriend?"

Flint went slightly red. "Still…it's the most efficient use of space."

Storm sighed. "Fair enough."

Stalker raised a hand. "I'll take first shift on the electronics."

Wild Bill shrugged. "Hell, I ain't tired yet…I'll give ya a hand."

Scarlett took Snake Eyes by the elbow. "Then we'll just head on over to our suite and catch forty winks…call us if you need us."

Tommy raised an eyebrow at Snake. "You're welcome, brother." He said in Japanese.

*I owe you one.* Snake signed fervently.

"Damn straight you do."

* * *

Fifteen minutes later, Snake Eyes and Scarlett were in their private rooms. Snake Eyes took the opportunity to remove his prosthetic mask, while Scarlett poked through the rest of the suite.

He was just finishing when he heard his girlfriend's voice. "Hey, Snake, c'mere."

Snake, knowing what that tone of voice meant, rapidly tracked her down. She was standing in the doorway of a small room about the size of the bathroom…but this one… His eyebrows rose.

*Is that a hot tub?*

"I believe it is." Scarlett was grinning. "You know, Tommy might be an annoying jerk sometimes, but once in awhile…_damn._ I believe that I owe him one."

Snake Eyes nodded. *Yes, yes I think we do.*

Scarlett looked slyly at him. "You know, we aren't on duty for hours, yet…the nap could probably wait until we break in the hot tub." She casually started tugging her shirt off over her head. "Want to?"

Snake Eyes privately thanked each and every deity he'd ever heard of, even in passing_. _*Absolutely.*


	3. Chapter 3

Why you should always have a ninja watching your back when it comes to shady information negotiations...

* * *

While Snake Eyes and Scarlett were testing the amenities in their suite, Jaye was leading her team to a small bar in the worse part of town.

"Keep a sharp eye." Jaye advised. "According to the briefs I read, the owner of this place is a good informant, but if he thinks we're government he'll clam up and we won't get a word out of him. He usually keeps a few bodyguards around, too…he's a minor player in the local organized crime syndicate. The patrons might also be…belligerent if things go south."

She eyed Flint. "Dash, slouch more, please…we're now small-time criminals looking to gain some inroads into the local information exchange. Storm…"

The ninja shifted his expression into the slight scowl of a hired gun and altered his stance slightly, rolling his weight more towards his heels, slouching, hunching his shoulders slightly, and when he took a few more steps it was with a very subtle limp.

Jaye blinked. "Okay, never mind. I think you've got it."

"I've done this sort of thing before." Storm said calmly.

The inside of the bar was smoky, hot, and cramped. Jaye, Clutch and Flint appropriated three seats at the bar. Jaye saw Storm glance around at the half-dozen or so patrons; the ninja tilted his head slightly, and Jaye knew the ninja was assessing the potential risk of each patron and probably the quickest way to decimate the entire establishment if things went south. Still playing his part as mildly disinterested hired muscle, the ninja wandered over to a halfhearted game of darts taking place between three rough-looking men.

Feeling reassured that their backs were well-protected, Jaye turned her attention to the barkeep. She still heard a few jeers behind her; Storm was, apparently, purposely losing rather badly. Jaye, who'd been one of the victims of the legendary incident in the Pit when Snake and Storm had offered to handicap themselves with blindfolds for a 'friendly' game of darts, knew very well that the ninja probably could have cleaned out the entire establishment in short order.

Seventy dollars, she'd lost. And she'd only opted in when Storm, already blindfolded, had _further_ handicapped himself by turning his back on the board, standing an extra ten feet from the target, and throwing over his shoulder. _No way_ could anyone hit throwing like that, she'd thought. Ten consecutive bull's eyes later, she'd given up. To this day, the ninja weren't allowed to opt into the occasional games in the rec room.

The man at the bar grunted at her and spoke in Chinese. "Can I help you?"

"I'm looking for Mr. Liou." She replied in the same.

The man eyed her suspiciously. "Why?"

She smiled mildly. "I'd like to get an ear to the street…I can pay."

The man eyed Flint and Clutch, slouched against the bar, and Storm, who was casually ignoring the jeers at his 'lack' of skill. "Why the muscle?"

"Little lady like me, all by herself? People might take advantage." Jaye shrugged nonchalantly. "And I can afford it…but I'm new around here, and I need to get a finger on how things work. I've heard rumors that a Mr. Liou knew the important players."

"I'm Liou." The man said gruffly. "Why here?"

"Opportunities dried up in my last area of residence." Jaye shrugged again. "It was time to move on."

"Ah." Liou rested his elbows on the counter. "And why should I help you, American? I'm not fond of Americans you know."

Jaye shrugged. "My money is as good as anyone else's."

"Is it?"

Jaye felt a nasty sinking feeling in the region of her stomach. "Counterfeiting isn't my choice of sins, so yes."

Liou smiled nastily. "You know, there was a man in here a few days ago…showed a few pictures around and told me to watch out for these faces, because they're known agents of the US government. I don't like spies poking around in my business…informing on my brothers is bad for my health. Funny thing…your faces look very familiar. So tell me why I shouldn't have my own muscle take you out back and teach you not to interfere?"

Flint might not speak Chinese, but he could tell when a situation was heading south. He stiffened, and Jaye saw his hand inch towards his gun. Clutch already had his sidearm discreetly at the ready.

Liou was still smiling. "Boys…"

There was a sudden hiss and a thud; three darts buried themselves in the bar between his spread fingers. The middle aged Asian man did a double take, and glanced across the room.

There wasn't anyone there, because Storm was already standing next to Jaye, all trace of a limp gone, weight balanced on the balls of his feet, and smiling.

"I'm the reason you shouldn't call your men out." Storm said softly. He switched to English. "There are two behind hidden panels in the walls. There are two more behind that door behind our friend here. They're all armed with pistols and knives. And a fifth…"

Storm leaned suddenly; there was a blur of motion, a forehead bounced off of the bar, and a large, unconscious body slumped to the floor. Storm casually flipped the knife he'd neatly twisted out of the man's hand a few times, shook his head, and drove it point first into the bar. The ninja switched back to Chinese. "Terrible balance…a fifth was trying to sneak up behind me." He grinned nastily. "He's alive, don't worry. He'll have the mother of all headaches when he comes around, though."

Liou blanched.

Storm was still smiling. "Now, you have two options. You can tell her what she wants to know, or I'll ask you, and I will _not _be as nice about it as she will. You'd much prefer the first option. Trust me on that."

The ninja raised an eyebrow, and pivoted suddenly, facing the bar patrons. "I understand your obligation to your boss, but any of you who come after me are going to learn a new definition of the word 'pain'. Using your own knives, and if they're all as dull as this one;" he eyed the knife still sticking out of the bar with distaste. "It'll hurt even _more._ So put them away and _sit down._"

There was a muffled creaking as people settled back into chairs. Storm nodded. "Good choice." He pivoted back to face Liou. "Tell your hidden muscle to get out here, slowly, with their hands where we can see them. Or I'll go take care of them, and you'll probably need to start hiring again once I finish with them."

Liou looked at the unconscious man on the floor, at the ninja, at Jaye and Flint, who now had their sidearms out, at Clutch, who was eyeing the 'patrons' as if daring them to make a move, and back at Storm. He swallowed. "Stand down, boys."

"Wise decision." Storm smiled. "Now, answer the nice lady's questions, or I shall be _very _disappointed in you."

Two hours and three more stops later, and Jaye was feeling pretty good. They had a name…two, actually…and some more leads. And they hadn't needed any more barely-restrained ninja violence to hasten negotiations along.

"I want to go run these." Jaye was jotting down information in a small memo pad. "Plus, I'm getting hungry, and I don't trust the street vendors to not give me food poisoning."

"Good call." Storm Shadow agreed. He eyed a cart hawking teriyaki chicken on skewers. "I'm not even sure that _is _chicken." The ninja looked back at them. "I'll see you back to the motel, and then I think I'll vanish for a bit. Most of the people I know aren't exactly easy to get to, and generally shoot first and only talk if you manage to dodge the bullet."

Flint shook his head. "Be careful."

"When am I _not?_"

Flint sighed. "Usually about when you're running across rooftops eighty feet above the street and ducking gunfire."

Storm grinned. "Point. But life gets _boring _otherwise."

A group of three women, apparently out for a day of shopping, passed them where they were standing on the sidewalk outside of a large department store. Clutch gave them the once over and raised an eyebrow, apparently in appreciation of the extremely short skirts.

The three glanced back at them and giggled. Clutch perked up for a second, but then one of the three took off her sunglasses and brazenly gave Storm the head-to-toe examination.

"Cute!" She giggled in accented English. The three turned and trotted off, still giggling.

Clutch scowled. Storm was grinning. Jaye rolled her eyes; Flint just sighed.

"You don't have to look so damned smug about it." Clutch said sulkily.

Storm straightened his leather jacket, still smirking. "I can't help it; it's the bad-boy attitude and the movie star looks. Eat your heart out, James Dean."

Flint buried his face in one hand. "Mission, guys. Mission."

Storm snorted. "You've got a private luxury suite with your girlfriend...again, thanks to _me_…and there is no way that you won't be taking full advantage of that when you're on off time. You can let me enjoy myself occasionally without comment. Consider it repayment."

Flint went red. Jaye glared. Storm just folded his arms and raised an eyebrow. Clutch was snickering. "He's got you there, man."

"Damned ninja." Flint muttered. "You know, I _do_ outrank you, Storm."

"I can have them charge that fancy room to your credit card if you feel the need to get too snarky." The ninja said calmly. "And if you think I can't get your card number, you are _sadly _mistaken."

Flint sighed again. "Then again, since when has he cared about rank?" He shook his head. "Damn ninja…I really hate you sometimes, Storm."

Storm just grinned and headed for the car.


	4. Chapter 4

In China, last or family names precede the personal names…the exact opposite of western countries, where personal names precede family names. In China, "John Smith" would be written "Smith John", though he'd still be referred to as "Mr. Smith" formally and "John" by friends and family. This is a cultural thing; in China, the family traditionally takes precedent over the individual, where in the West we stress the individual over the group. Again, I'm minoring in Asian history, so forgive me such random, fairly tiny details.

Also, all the province and district names are lifted directly from my geography textbook. I'm slightly neurotic about such matters, so forgive my perhaps overly obsessive attention to detail.

Granite is composed of grains of three minerals…quartz, feldspar, and olivine…pressed together by extreme heat and pressure. It comes in pink and grey varieties, which are exactly what they sound like. It's classed as fine-grained or coarse-grained depending on the size of the crystals of the component minerals. Now that I've bored you all, on to the story.

* * *

Later that evening, Jaye was briefing Scarlett, Snake, Stalker and Wild Bill on exactly what they'd managed to turn up. Flint was already asleep in their suite. Clutch had taken the opportunity while Jaye was running names and information and sending a report to Hawk to sack out for a few hours. He was now destroying a room-service cheeseburger and order of fries with extreme gusto. Storm Shadow was still absent.

"They put cheese _inside _the burger." Clutch was looking rather like he'd seen the face of God. "_Three different kinds._"

Scarlett eyed his plate with interest. "Really?"

Snake Eyes sighed and shook his head.

Jaye chuckled. "That's why it's called a 'gourmet' burger, Clutch. As I was saying, our friend mister scarface is actually Mark Jonas Silverton. He was born in Nebraska, and has a really impressive rap sheet; armed robbery, breaking and entering, aggravated assault with and without a deadly weapon…it goes on like that for awhile. He's been an agent of Cobra for between six and eight years, often as a procurer for borderline illegal goods and even some strictly legitimate purchases. The woman is Joanna Marie Antony; she's a highly competent white collar criminal suspected in several unsolved scams. She's got no prior connection to Cobra, but appears to be working for them now. They've been spotted mostly in the Kowloon City district, save for when they were seen at the shop in the Kwai Tsing District in the New Territories. The name of the import company is Hong Kong Specialties; the name of the owner is Mao Lin. I'd see if I could talk to him if I were you."

She smiled. "And if he doesn't want to talk…well. Snake, do you think you could _possibly _manage to lift a few records out of an office without being seen? The filing cabinet might be locked and everything."

The ninja grinned, his mask crinkling. *Don't know…might be hard.*

Scarlett snorted. "Great…now he's going to be _hoping _that the man doesn't talk, just for a chance to show off."

*Would I do that?*

Scarlett patted him on the knee affectionately. "Yes, you would."

Clutch swallowed the last of his fries and grinned. "You two are in a good mood…_someone _got…_uurk._"

Scarlett, her elbow digging firmly into the mauler driver's solar plexus, glared. "Finish that sentence and it'll be your last."

"Yes ma'm." Clutch managed to squeak. Scarlett removed her elbow; Clutch massaged the spot gingerly. "Do you sharpen your elbow joints? Jeez."

*She borrows my whetstone just for that purpose.* Snake signed calmly. *Where's Tommy?*

"He disappeared about six hours ago…said something about digging information out of some of his old contacts around the city." Jaye glanced at the clock. "Normally, I'd be worried about someone if I hadn't heard from them in this long, but I'm actually more worried about his 'friends', to be honest."

Snake Eyes smiled again. *With reason. He'll be fine.* The ninja glanced at his girlfriend. *The rock mogul first?*

"That's what I was thinking." Scarlett nodded. "What's the address?"

Jaye handed over a street map with the appropriate location circled in red. "Have fun. I'm going to go and get some sleep."

Clutch yawned. "Right. Let's go."

Wild Bill eyed the mauler driver. "Y'know, if you want to get a bit more of a break in, I think I can manage to handle a car. I'm goin' just about crazy starin' at a computer screen anyways, so if you want to take over here for a couple hours I'd be much obliged."

Clutch brightened. "Thanks, Bill. I owe you one."

"Nah…we'll call it even."

"Awesome." Clutch wandered over to the mess of electronics and settled down in the sleek leather computer chair that the hotel thoughtfully provided next to a desk that was actually nicer than Hawk's.

It took a few minutes to get properly geared. To be fair, this was mostly Snake Eyes; Scarlett watched with interest as her lover casually secreted enough weapons on his person to outfit a small mercenary company.

Most Joes fondly remembered the occasion where Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow had been convinced to completely disarm to satisfy a betting pool Ace had organized. The betting had been over which ninja could hide more weaponry; said ninja had been reluctantly coaxed into playing along by a promise of a percentage of the winnings.

Several extremely eye-opening minutes and no less than fifty-eight pointy objects (not counting garrotes, lockpicks, smokebombs, bows, blowguns, or firearms, which brought the total up into the 'holyfuckwhatthe_hell_ numbers) Snake Eyes had emerged as the winner by a narrow margin, mostly due to the two handguns, four extra clips, three grenades, and his standard favorite Uzi plus extra clips.

Storm Shadow had claimed that this wasn't fair, seeing that Snake Eyes didn't actually conceal the grenades or Uzi and had more pockets to boot. Snake Eyes had countered by pointing out that Storm's bow and arrows weren't concealed, and the smaller ninja had more pockets sewn into the inside of his clothing than Snake did on the outside. Everyone else had just renewed their vow to _not_ mess with ninja if at all possible.

And hour and a half later, Mr. Mao was proving to be extremely polite and accommodating. Scarlett, Stalker, and Wild Bill were posing as UN police, simply interested in the activities of a known pair of criminals. No mention had been made of Cobra. Mr. Mao, once learning that his customers were what could be called the 'less than savory' type, had eagerly answered their questions and bent over backwards to be helpful.

Snake Eyes was nowhere to be seen; a mute, masked man drew funny looks. Fortunately, said mute masked commando was very, very good at not being seen, and Scarlett knew he was probably less than ten feet away from where they sat in Mr. Mao's office. If she knew her man, he was probably in the air conditioning duct running across the ceiling right over Lin's head.

"Granite?" Scarlett frowned.

"Yes, granite samples." Mr. Mao, who apparently had a degree in geology, seemed very enthusiastic about pontificating on the various interesting attributes of his stock. "They were very particular about what they wanted. They wanted samples mined from a rural quarry in Gansu province. A pink granite, with unusually large olivine crystals and a rather coarse grain…quite spectacular, really. But we don't handle construction orders. I put them in touch with the quarry; they should be able to get a better deal on the quantities they wanted."

"Um." Scarlett made a noncommittal noise. "Construction order?"

"Yes; they were looking for quantities usually used for construction purposes. Good taste; as I said, it really is a quite spectacular stone. It would be admirably suited to monument or building purposes."

Scarlett rubbed her temple. "Would it be possible to get the contact information for that quarry?"

"Oh, certainly." Mr. Mao scribbled a few characters on a sheet of scratch paper and handed it to her.

Scarlett folded it and slipped it into her pocket. "Thank you. Were they looking for anything else?"

"No; they seemed interested exclusively in that one batch of granite. Not unusual; when people are building a monument or other large building they tend to want the same stone used throughout. Matching, you know…aesthetic unity."

"Of course." Scarlett sighed. "Thank you, Mr. Mao. You've been very helpful."

He stood and bowed. "I am an honest man. If I can help authorities with some who aren't so scrupulous, I am happy."

Snake Eyes was already waiting in the van when they returned. He raised an eyebrow behind his mask as Scarlett slid into the backseat. *Construction?*

Scarlett, who'd already filled the non-Chinese speaking Stalker and Wild Bill in on the particulars of the conversation, sighed again. "It doesn't make _sense._"

Wild Bill frowned. "Why? Could be the Commander is just looking to build himself a fancy new base. Or maybe an eighty foot statue of his ugly mug; it's the sort of thing he gets off on."

Stalker shook his head. "Unless he's building it in China, it'd be far easier to use local stuff. Granite isn't exactly uncommon, after all…no point in flying a few hundred tons of rock halfway around the world when you don't have to. Be a waste of money."

"Stalker's right." Scarlett chewed irritably on the end of her already battered pencil. "Either he's building a base somewhere in China…which _could_ be…or there's something we're still missing. Why look to buy through a company that specializes in supplying rock hounds when you're looking to build a base? Be smarter just to go straight to the quarry in the first place."

Snake Eyes tilted his head. *Once Tommy gets back, give us five hours and I almost guarantee you that we can find scarface and his girlfriend and drag them in for some questioning.*

Scarlett perked up. "Oh, that'd be _good._"

Wild Bill frowned. "What if they don't talk?" He examined the nasty grin on Scarlett's face and Snake Eyes' smirk, which was visible even through the mask. "Right. They'd talk."

"They'd sing like canaries." Scarlett said serenely. "You think of the best presents, my dear. I would be very happy if you could get me five minutes alone with our two friends."

Snake Eyes smiled. *I'll see what I can do.*


	5. Chapter 5

_Neko-te _are climbing claws that fit over the hand; _ashiko_ are climbing claws that fit over the ball of the foot.

* * *

It was hours before they returned to their admittedly luxurious base. Scarlett was scowling in frustration; they hadn't turned up anything else. No rumors of a large (or small) scale construction project in a remote area, nothing hinting at illegal purchases, and no word of the pair of Cobra operatives.

No Joe liked it when Cobra seemed to be sticking to strictly innocuous, completely legal activities. It was rarely for a harmless end, and somehow the more innocent something looked the more devious the plan and truly clusterfucked the situation would end up becoming before things worked themselves out.

Jaye and Flint were on electronics monitor duty when they returned to Tommy's suite; Jaye eyed Scarlett's expression knowingly. "There's a fresh pot of coffee on the counter and some club sandwiches in the fridge if you want some…no luck?"

"Not much." Scarlett filled the other intel agent in on the little they'd found out…the apparently boring focus of Cobra's interest. Jaye just nodded, not seeming too perturbed. In fact, she looked almost perky.

Snake Eyes tilted his head. *You know something we don't…where's Tommy?*

Flint jerked a thumb over his shoulder at the closed bedroom door. "He turned up not an hour ago, looking _way_ too smug." The warrant officer handed over a sheet of notebook paper with several series of numbers and letters scribbled on it. "He got us the address our Cobra friends are staying at, two alternate addresses, their phone numbers…don't ask how, because I have no idea…and what appears to be their schedule for the past and next week."

Flint scowled. "I had a helluva time keeping him from going back out and dragging them back…he kept claiming that he was fine, even though I know for a fact he hadn't slept since the plane ride over here, so going on forty hours now. I finally flat-out ordered him to go bunk out for a few hours."

Stalker, halfway through a sandwich, almost choked. "He _listened _to you?"

"Well, I threatened to give him to BeachHead for KP for a week."

"He _listened _to you?"

Flint sighed. "When you put it that way, it does make me slightly nervous."

Jaye shook her head. "Dash…he was just arguing for the fun of pushing your buttons. He was planning on sleeping for awhile anyway before he went back out."

Flint shot her a look. "How do you know that?"

Jaye patted him on the shoulder. "Because he told me so before he went to bed, while still laughing to himself. His exact words were "Works _every_ time"…emphasis his."

Snake Eyes, examining the crib-note style scribbles on the sheet of paper he'd taken from the warrant officer, suddenly folded up the paper, tucked it into a pocket, and looked up. *If you don't mind, I think I may disappear for a few hours.*

All six of the other Joes raised their eyebrows. Flint frowned. "Shouldn't you wait for Storm? He's the one who knows the city…"

A surprisingly loud snort. *This is not my first time here, you know. The Arashikage don't just work in Japan...when Tommy mentioned 'contacts,' most of them were probably people he or the clan have worked for or indirectly against before. Let Tommy sleep; I've got this one.*

Scarlett raised an eyebrow. "I'm guessing that this is going to be a case of 'those without ninja skills please don't get in my way?'"

Snake Eyes gave her a look that was almost apologetic, which considering the fact he was wearing a mask and visor was rather impressive. *Sorry.*

"Just get back in one piece, and please don't break them too thoroughly…I want to get _some_ quality time in with our friends." Scarlett grinned nastily.

Flint sighed. "I would like to point out that I haven't given you the okay to hare off on a solo infiltration and kidnapping mission yet."

*But you're going to.* Snake Eyes pointed out calmly. *Because you know I can do it, you don't want to wait until Tommy finishes his nap, and you know you want to interview them just as badly as Shana and I do.*

Flint pinched the bridge of his nose. "You know, I remember a time when enlisted men-and women- couldn't bully officers. Go. Have fun, bring us captives. I hate ninja sometimes."

Jaye patted Flint on the shoulder again. "Ninja, Dash. They don't play by the rules. And of _course_ I can bully you. That's one of a woman's privileges in a relationship."

Scarlett chuckled. "Amen to that, sister."

"It's true." Stalker interjected placidly. His sandwich was gone, and he and Wild Bill were decimating the remains of a meat and cheese sampler tray they'd found in the fridge. "The woman wears the pants in most relationships, Flint. I know my wife does. Get used to it."

Jaye scowled at them. "Didn't that have my name on it?"

"Yep." Wild Bill, looking entirely unrepentant, chewed happily on the last slice of gouda. "Hey…" He shrugged elaborately at the glare she shot him. "Room service is free, remember? Just order another one. We're just keeping this one from spoiling, is all…hey…wasn't Snake _right there?_ Wasn't five seconds ago, he was right next to you, Red."

Everyone looked around. Snake Eyes was nowhere to be seen. Scarlett, who was perhaps more accustomed than anyone else to the ninja's habit of appearing and disappearing without warning and whenever he damn well felt like it, shrugged. "He'll be back. I'm going to eat and then I'll take monitor duty for awhile. Where's the room service menu?"

* * *

Three hours later, Snake Eyes was eyeballing a rather shabby apartment complex. Third floor...third window on the right of the fire escape, the one with the curtains pulled tightly closed, as if people who were used to moving about at night were sleeping…

Daylight infiltration was always more difficult than night operations. This, however, was not a heavily guarded militant base, and he was, in fact, a ninja who'd just made it halfway across a major city without being spotted. Snake Eyes oozed out of his hiding place in the shadow of a large industrial air conditioner on roof of the apartment building just next door to the one his targets were (hopefully) in.

The alleyways in Hong Kong were narrow; space, after all, was at a premium. Snake Eyes had already judged the distance; he now took one last look around, making sure that no one was watching, and sprinted for it.

Two seconds later, he was rolling to dissipate the impact…right into the shadow of the stairwell, where he flattened himself against the wall, low to the ground, and froze in place.

There were two security cameras on the roof, which swiveled back and forth slowly, sweeping the rooftop. Snake Eyes had timed his movement precisely; he now held his position, hidden in the deep shadows, not twitching a muscle as the camera scanned right over his position.

Stillness was an underestimated ally, one that a ninja knew to make full use of. Humans had evolved to spot movement before anything else, and if nothing was moving…and camouflaged to boot…deeply rooted primate instincts tended to assume that nothing was there. This was perhaps even more true for bored security guards than anyone else, but it also applied to even highly trained soldiers and wary criminals.

As he was waiting for the camera to track off of his position, he listened. Snake Eyes knew that his ears were nowhere _close_ to as good as his sword brother's…but he had been put through blindfold training, and his ears were sharper than most as a result.

No one was close. Good.

The camera swiveled off of his point of concealment. Snake Eyes dug into his utility belt, and drew out a set of _neko-te _and _ashiko_. These took a few seconds to fasten on, and then he waited again for the camera to make its slow arc.

The next time it swiveled off of the shadows he was lurking in, he shot across the roof and over the edge.

Brickwork in poor repair usually offered suitable toe and finger holds to facilitate climbing without aids. If a wall was in better shape…well, that was where one of the myriad of ninja climbing aids came in.

The sharp steel points of the climbing claws dug easily into the slightly crumbly mortar; Snake Eyes edged down the wall quickly. The window he wanted turned out not to be locked, rather to his disgust.

It rather amused Shana that while blatant security ignorance often made his job easier, such displays of idiocy irritated him to no end. She pointed out that usually people with windows fifty feet above street level didn't really expect someone to be able to climb a sheer wall and break in. Snake Eyes maintained that anyone who associated with an organization that had, at any point, _ever_, acknowledged the existence of ninja should probably know better.

Shaking his head slightly, he dug his toe spikes and those on his left hand firmly into the brickwork and edged the window carefully open. He slid inside quietly.

He felt his eyebrows go up. The room _was_ occupied, and it was _definitely_ the pair he'd been hoping to corner, soundly asleep. They were also quite definitely romantically involved; there was no other possible explanation for the discarded clothes scattered haphazardly on the floor and the obvious state of undress that both Cobra agents were in.

The man…Silverton…rolled over. Snake Eyes fought the immediate urge to gouge his eyes out, and instead confiscated the sidearms on the bedside table and the shotgun at the foot of the bed. He dropped the clips out of the sidearms, deftly unloaded them, popped the rounds out of the chambers, and replaced the clips. The shotgun was double-barreled; Snake Eyes wasn't fond of shotguns, purely because most of them took too long to reload. He removed the shells, and chucked both of them and the box of extra rounds out the window. The nine mil rounds went into one of his pockets; he was too much of a soldier to throw away extra ammunition…he used a nine mil sidearm, after all.

There was a small chip of what looked like pink stone on the bedside table next to the sidearms. Snake Eyes eyed it and slipped it into a pocket, mostly out of curiosity.

He replaced the guns, drew his _ninjato_ and his uzi, and casually laid the steel blade across the exposed necks.

Both Cobra operatives woke with a start; yelps were cut off by the extremely sharp blade in very close proximity to very delicate skin. He knew that Silverton knew who he was; the man's eyes widened, and the tiny whimper was sheer terror.

Snake Eyes leveled the uzi at their faces, and pointed with the _ninjato_ at the scattered clothing on the floor. The blade gone, the woman sucked in air as if to scream.

The sword was back under her chin in a millsecond. Snake Eyes tilted his head, wordlessly daring her to make _any _noise. She swallowed…carefully…and nodded.

"Do what he says." Silverton whispered. "It's him…the one I've told you about…if we don't play along, they'll never find our bodies."

Snake Eyes smiled and shook his head.

He let them up to get dressed…he really didn't relish the prospect of having to drag two naked people back to the van, after all. Predictably, they went for their guns; Joanna turned out to be faster than her lover. Snake Eyes didn't move to prevent either of them getting their hands on the weapons.

She aimed right at his head and pulled the trigger. Nothing happened. She pulled the trigger again. Nothing happened. She ejected the clip, stared at the empty magazine, and dropped the firearm, clearly giving up.

"I thought you were kidding." She hissed. Snake Eyes scowled; she blanched, shut up and pulled a shirt on.

No one _ever_ believed in ninja. It was something else that made his job easier, really.

The captives were secured hand and foot and gagged in the back of the van in an impressively short amount of time; Snake Eyes, feeling quite pleased with himself, headed them back to what he was sure to would be an extremely happy girlfriend. Few things put Scarlett in a better mood than interrogating Cobra agents, after all…


	6. Chapter 6

When Snake got their prisoners back to the hotel room…and thank God for fire escapes, that was all he was going to say…Scarlett actually _beamed._

No one batted an eye at his somewhat unusual method of entry. They'd worked with him for years, after all.

"Park them on the couch." Scarlett reached for a pad of paper. "It's red…won't show bloodstains. Jaye, hand me your knife, will you?"

Both prisoners, already pale, went a few shades paler still.

The bedroom door flew open abruptly. Snake Eyes glanced over; Tommy, hair still tousled from his pillow, was eyeing the pair of captives with a look that Snake had seen break informants on the spot before. "Well well…we've got _visitors._" The ninja smiled, and the glitter of teeth was _not _a nice look. "And we're outside of the US government's anti-torture jurisdiction too…not that it's ever stopped me before."

"Oh, _shit_." The quiet curse from Silverton packed a really amazing amount of pure, dear-god-I'm-gonna-die horror into just two words.

Storm grinned a little more widely. "Oh, you're familiar with my work? I suppose the Vipers still tell stories about the time I got my hands on that would-be assassin Britain sent after the Commander."

A terrified squeak from the woman. "That was _him?"_

"That was me."

"_Fuckfuckfuckfuck…"_

Flint stood and headed for the door. "And on that note, I'm going to leave. Don't tell me what you do; plausible deniability and all that."

"Sounds good." Scarlett said absently.

The warrant officer vanished out into the hall. The door clicked firmly shut

Jaye settled herself on the coffee table, eyed the captives, and then glanced meaningfully at the three martial artists. Scarlett was eyeing the edge on her borrowed knife critically. Storm Shadow had pulled a knife from his sleeve, picked one of the bamboo skewers that Scarlett's shrimp kebabs had come on off of the counter and meticulously begun shaving slivers off of it. He was now twirling these between thumb and forefinger and eyeing Silverton with an assessing sort of look, as if guessing the man's pain tolerance. Snake Eyes just cracked his knuckles.

"They'd enjoy it." Jaye said frankly. "And they're good at it. You'd be much better off just answering the questions I'm going to ask honestly and immediately. You'll do it anyway, and if you do it without a fight we may just let you go. We'll start off easy. How long have you been working for Cobra?"

Silverton eyed her, the bamboo slivers in Tommy's hand, and looked back at Jaye. "Eleven years. Joanna just got involved in the last eight months."

"See how easy that was?" Jaye smiled. "And by the way, honey…you have _terrible _taste in men. We know you've been acquiring some…unusual commodities for Cobra. Care to elaborate on the nature of those items?"

Silverton shrugged. "Rocks."

"Hmm. We gathered as much. Any more light you can shed on _why?"_

"Ain't illegal."

Scarlett raised an eyebrow. "Did we ask you about the legality behind it?"

"Destro wanted them." Joanna blurted out.

Silverton glared at her. She glared back. "I am _not _getting flaming bamboo slivers shoved under my fingernails for you. If you didn't notice, we're getting interrogated by goddamn fucking _ninja._ We are _through._"

"Reasonable girl." Storm Shadow actually sounded approving.

"Destro?" Jaye cocked her head.

"Destro. He wanted a specific cutting of rock from a specific quarry. The whole seam, actually…some hundred tons of rock all together. The Commander greenlit the funds to buy the stuff, so I'm guessing Smart Stuck-Up Creepy Mask filled Loud Annoying Creepy Mask in on the details."

Snake Eyes bit back a laugh. That was…actually a pretty good one.

Jaye nodded. "And do you know why he wanted it?"

"Not a fucking clue." Joanna shrugged. "I'm a petty thief, not a geologist. I swiped a sample and I was going to have it tested…I don't know much about rocks, but I was curious…We had to outbid a chemical company for the stuff, and I've got _no _idea why they'd want it, but if a chemical company wants it it's gotta have something fun in it, right?"

Both Jaye and Scarlett perked up considerably. "Indeed…what was the name of the company?"

"I don't know." The woman shrugged. "We just sent in bids when they called to tell us we'd been topped."

Both intel agents looked slightly disappointed. "I don't suppose you have that sample on you, do you?"

"No. I left it on the nightstand when I was getting kidnapped by the Creepiness over there. Wasn't really thinking about it, you know?"

Nightstand…Snake Eyes dug into his pocket and pulled out the chip of pink stone, and tossed it to Shana. She rewarded him with a _brilliant_ smile. "Snake, you think of _everything."_

Storm Shadow was snickering. His next remark was directed at Silverton. "Friend, I don't know how you managed to get that woman in bed, but she is _way _out of your league…both in looks and brains."

The Cobra operative just looked rather miserable.

Joanna was scowling at him. "I am _so_ out of this crazy organization. Screw crazed megalomaniacs with masks, screw mad scientists in masks, screw crazy stuck up bitches with a thing for fetish gear, screw getting kidnapped by goddamn ninja and interrogated by the goddamn United States military…I am going back to fleecing wealthy businessmen in Tokyo."

"I don't suppose you know anything else that might be of use?" Jaye prodded.

"No...I just know that Destro said he'd have some people keeping an eye on progress in person, but I haven't seen anyone. Will you _please_ let me go now? I want to get the hell out of this city."

"What about me?" Silverton sounded plaintive.

"Quite frankly, I don't give a damn." Joanna actually did a decent Clark Gable impression, Snake Eyes noted. "Just don't call me…getting into this whole mess in the first place was _your_ fault." She eyed her captors. "I'm going to change my name, dye my hair, move to Tokyo, and not say a damn thing to Cobra. How about it? Let me go now?"

Two hours later, and Joanna _had_ been set free…after being assured on no uncertain terms that Storm Shadow would be sent after her should she attempt to contact Cobra. Tommy, who was just as good as a polygraph machine thanks to his ears, assured them that she was sincere in her intent to get the hell out of dodge.

Silverton was slightly more trouble. In the end, they ended up making an anonymous present of him to the local police, after Jaye discovered that he had three warrants out for his arrest in the area.

This problem solved, Snake Eyes eyed his girlfriend. *Back to the rock mogul?*

"Yes. He was either lying or just selectively omitting information…I give him credit for his poker face, though."

"This is why you should have waited for me." Storm Shadow said calmly. "You're all half deaf…can't even tell when someone is lying.._._just _sad._"

Snake Eyes was pretty much used to Tommy's occasional jabs at the hearing of pretty much everybody who _didn't_ have the Ear that Sees. He knew that his sword brother honestly couldn't even _fathom_ not being able to hear someone's heart beat from across the room. The other Joes, however, weren't quite so used to Storm Shadow's hearing, even after working with him for awhile now.

Actually, Doc and Lifeline had more or less had a field day after Tommy had first transferred to the Joe team. They'd run every test on the ninja that they could dream up. Doc had, from what Snake Eyes had gathered from the doctors' quiet cursing, apparently written a scientific paper on the results that not a single one of his colleagues had believed.

Now, Scarlett just shook her head. "Shut it, Storm…we're not all freaks of nature like you."

"You're just jealous."

*Quit arguing and gear up.*


	7. Chapter 7

Willwrite4fics, you have your glue traps. Enjoy.

_Tā māde_ is Chinese for 'shit'. Literally translated, 'mother's shit'. Jokingly referred to as China's national curse due to its popularity.

_Kutabare _is Japanese for 'fuck you'.

* * *

A few hours later, and Mr. Lin was getting interrogated again. This time around, however, the mood was distinctly less pleasant.

Generally, when you were getting stared down by a pair of masked, impassive, implacable walking weapons with extremely sharp-looking swords, you tended to become a great deal more amiable to the truth. Actually, the two women glaring at the businessman looked distinctly as if they wouldn't mind breaking a few minor joints to expedite the situation. The scowling, armed, and non-masked men also looked distinctly willing to engage in a little gratuitous violence if warranted, but compared to the ninja…_ninja…_glowering at him, they were definitely the preferable option.

Lin would have made a comment about the cheesiness of claiming to have ninja on your team. Would have, just a few days ago, and before these two men had gone through his personal bodyguards-highly trained ex-military men, the best that money could buy-like they were so many mannequins marked with bull's-eyes.

The scariest thing? His men had had guns. The brunette woman had, almost casually, requested that 'you leave them alive, please. I don't want to report a body count yet.' The two masked men had proceeded to beat his bodyguards into unconsciousness without even drawing their weapons, and his men hadn't exactly been firing warning shots.

_Tā māde_.

Lin's business was largely legitimate. Largely. He paid off the right people, and so no one said anything if he did a little sideline in high-grade ores to questionable buyers. And right now, he was getting asked about one of his larger shipments, one he'd patently lied about to these exact same agents not too long ago.

He _knew_ they were government…probably American. He also knew that his current buyers would _not _appreciate him spilling any information. And the agent who'd informed him of this had been quite as terrifying as the masked man in black somehow managing to glower _through a visor._

_Tā māde_.

Certain death now, or possible death later? Lin made the decision pretty quickly.

* * *

"I'm only going to ask you once." Scarlett said softly. "Because I am getting distinctly irritated, and am rapidly losing patience. _Why the hell does Destro want this stuff?"_

She tossed the chip of innocuous-looking pink stone onto the paper-strewn desk. Lin, completely white-faced, glanced at it, and then back at her. Scarlett had been in Intel a long time, and she'd interrogated a _lot_ of prisoners. She could actually see the little man coming to a decision.

The warm little glow you got inside when your informant broke like a dry twig just _never _got old.

"Monazite." Lin said meekly.

Well, that meant absolutely nothing to her. "Explain." She folded her arms. "And he," she jerked a thumb at Storm Shadow. "_Will_ know if you are lying, and I will _not_ appreciate it."

"Crystals of certain rare earths and thorium phosphates…see the tiny brown crystals?" Lin picked up the sample, pulled a magnifying glass out of the top drawer of his desk, and handed it to her. "They're fairly small, but it's commonly found in granite veins. This vein was a particularly rich source of monazite."

Scarlett squinted, and saw some smaller rock bits next to a bunch of other rock bits. Slightly shinier, almost waxy bits, but that meant absolutely nothing to her. "So?"

"Well, monazite is a source of several industrially significant minerals… but that wasn't why this was wanted. Sometimes monazite can be radioactive. This particular batch was marked as being rather hot."

Scarlett dropped the chip of stone like she'd just been burned. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Snake go stiff, no doubt rather concerned that he'd been carrying the thing in his damn _pocket, _and Scarlett wasn't honestly too keen either on the idea that anything radioactive had spent too much time near some parts of Snake Eyes that she rather wanted kept intact. Storm Shadow's eyebrows went _way_ up, and the ninja actually took a few steps back. Flint eyed the ninja, apparently decided that anything that made Storm and Snake twitchy probably warranted some caution whether or not he understood the conversation, and backed up a few steps as well.

"You're in no danger." Lin picked up the sample again. "Even hot monazite ore is extremely low-grade radiation. It's perfectly safe to handle. Refining useable radioactive material out of even this would take a highly specialized process that as far as I know is yet to be invented. But this European…Destro…he specified that he wanted the hottest monazite ore that I had. I assume he's attempting to develop such."

That…actually that made a _lot_ of sense. Scarlett still didn't make any movement to regain the sample.

"He's telling the truth." Storm was still looking at the rock with an air of extreme distrust. Jaye rapidly translated the conversation to Flint and Clutch, who also eyed the apparently-innocent sample warily.

"I have answered your questions. Now, I would very much like to negotiate some protection." Lin looked…not even nervous. Scarlett knew outright terror when she saw it, and it wasn't terror due to the ninja behind her or the multiple firearms that the Joes were carrying.

"Protection?" Jaye sounded cautious, and Scarlett didn't blame her. That same 'uh oh' instinct that was itching at the back of her skull was clearly audible in Jaye's voice.

"I was…assured…that if I was to assist any opposition to my employer, my life would neither be exceedingly long or end very comfortably." Lin was glancing nervously around. "They said I'd be watched…and that they'd know as soon as I spoke words of treachery, and would retaliate accordingly."

Uh oh. That sounded a hell of a lot like…

Storm Shadow and Snake Eyes glanced at each other, and some unspoken agreement seemed to pass between the two ninja. Storm was across the room in a quarter of a second, and Lin was dragged halfway across his desk by his tie.

"These 'agents'." Storm said quietly. "This building is being watched by ninja, isn't it?"

Snake Eyes drew his sword with a soft metallic sort of sound, but he wasn't looking at Lin. Scarlett drew her sidearm and combat knife.

"They were dressed all in red." Lin whispered.

Storm dropped the man and spun. "They've probably got agents stationed in the buildings around this one, and they'll know we're here, and they probably know that our friend here just sang like a lark. We've got about a minute."

"What is going on?" Flint raised an eyebrow. "Who knows we're here?"

"Red Hand agents."

Flint blanched. "_Ninja?"_

"I would advise less talking and more getting your ass into cover." Storm went still, closed his eyes, and tilted his head. "They're coming, all right…shove Lin under the desk, will you, Red? Flint, Clutch, Jaye, for the love of whatever deities you revere, try to keep down. We've got about twenty seconds before it gets very, very interesting in here." Storm calmly strung his bow and fitted an arrow to the string, and then aimed out the window. Scarlett didn't see anything, but then she knew Storm wasn't aiming by sight.

She vaulted the desk, grabbed Lin by the back of the collar, and shoved him firmly under the piece of heavy oak furniture. There was a slight _thrum_ as Storm released his bowstring, and while Scarlett didn't hear anything Storm must have, because the smile on his face was pure victory even through the mask.

Snake Eyes bodily shoved Flint behind the desk; Jaye was already hunkered down, her sidearm out. Clutch scrambled for cover beside them. Snake turned and sank into a fighting crouch. Scarlett positioned herself at the other end of the desk, prepared to defend the slightly less adept hand-to-hand combatants on the Joe team with her lover. Storm got off one more shot with his bow, and this time Scarlett _did_ hear the brief yelp of pain.

Storm tossed aside his bow in favor of the _kasuri-kama_ from his belt, and just about then a red-clad figure streaked down out of the air conditioning duct, launching itself directly at Snake Eyes.

This proved to be an extremely unwise move. Snake easily brushed aside the knife, and drove his sword directly through the Red Hand's heart.

After that, Scarlett was too busy to watch Snake Eyes or Storm Shadow deal with their own opponents, because there were half a dozen ninja in the room and two of them were attempting to stab her.

They obviously didn't expect much difficulty out of her. What they also didn't expect was that Scarlett spent a hell of a lot of time training with Snake, and was _damn_ good in a knife fight, even if her opponents were armed with the occasional sword or pair of _kama._

There was one rather close call, but the Red Hand attempting to run her through with his _ninjato_ abruptly fell back as a loop of chain snapped neatly around his neck. Storm jerked; the man stumbled back and immediately caught Snake's knife through his left eye socket. Scarlett took the opportunity to carve her other assailant a brand-new ear to ear smile.

A few gunshots punctuated the fight, and at least one hit; Scarlett saw one of the Red Hand stagger, and dart, limping badly, for the window. He was one of the last of their opponents, and Storm Shadow immediately dove out the window after the fleeing figure.

Snake and Scarlett both got to the last Red Hand at approximately the same time. The man managed to turn aside the first darting sword cut at his throat, but missed the knife. Scarlett slid her weapon up under the breastbone at almost exactly the same moment as Snake's second trench knife pinned the enemy ninja's throat to the wall.

They let the corpse drop, and eyed the room warily, rather expecting more opponents to materialize. When none did, Snake and Scarlett slowly relaxed. Scarlett wiped the blood off of her knife onto the pant leg of one of the very dead ninja and slid it away.

Jaye cautiously peeked over the desk. "You know, Shana, you enjoy doing that a little too much."

"Snake Eyes has rubbed off on me." Scarlett glanced at the window. "Snake, do you think you should go and see if Tommy is okay?"

"I'm fine."

They all glanced up at the air conditioning duct, Clutch and Flint just emerging from cover. A rather limp red-clad body dropped out abruptly, landing on the desk with enough of a groan to prove that the Red Hand was at least sort of alive. Tommy dropped down a moment later, landing easily and looking highly irritated.

_Why_ was fairly obvious. Storm's mask was gone, and…Scarlett bit back a snicker. It really wasn't appropriate to the situation…

Snake Eyes took one look at his sword brother and started shaking with silent pant-laughter. Flint snickered. Clutch's eyebrows hit his hairline, and Jaye put a hand to her mouth, obviously trying to hold back her own laughter.

Storm leveled a warning finger at them. "One comment. I dare you. So help me God, my vengeance will be the stuff legends are made of. So _shut it._ Snake, I will come over there."

This only seemed to make Snake Eyes laugh harder. Scarlett raised her eyebrows. "Tommy? Just to clarify…is that a glue trap? In your hair? And why is it there?"

Snake Eyes visibly pulled himself under control. *Defeated by the legendary bane of small rodents, brother?* He started shaking again.

"_So help me God, Snake…_" Storm glared at Snake Eyes, and by all rights Snake Eyes should probably have been immolated on the spot.

"Storm?" Flint was grinning. "I'm sure we're all curious about your legendary battle with the rodent trap."

Storm glared, and then heaved a sigh. "He." A none-to-gentle poke at the semiconscious Red Hand. Scarlett winced; judging by the angles the man's limbs were bent at, Storm had broken both elbows and at least one leg. "Tried to lose me by hiding in the crawlspace under the building before he led me up to the roof. It didn't work, but my mask got torn…though I got the knife from him, and it's a nice one…and apparently at some point during the fight we rolled through the local anti-rat measures. Any other questions?"

"You know, I hear peanut butter gets gummy shit out." Clutch supplied helpfully.

Jaye shook her head. "Doesn't work."

Flint eyed her with interest. "Alison?"

"I was eight. I got bubble gum in my hair. We ended up having to cut it all off."

Flint sighed. "You could have waited to say that. I was rather looking forwards to getting pictures of Storm with peanut butter in his hair."

An irritated growl. "As if I'd let you get photographic evidence." Tommy tugged at the glue trap again, which had no effect aside from drawing a wince from the ninja. Snake Eyes was leaning against the wall now, gasping for breath. Scarlett was losing the battle to keep from laughing.

Storm began cursing under his breath, rather inventively. Scarlett picked up fragments of what sounded like about four languages…and…she raised her eyebrows…was that…

Jaye beat her to it. "Storm, are you swearing in _latin?"_

The ninja, looking distinctly sour-faced, drew one of his knives. A second later, and the glue trap was out. Tommy glared at the black hairs stuck to the sticky strip as if he could will them back onto his head through sheer bad temper. He glanced at Jaye irritably. "I do have a college degree, you know. I took a few semesters of it."

"_Latin?"_ Jaye just sounded impressed.

"It was interesting. Any other smart comments? Brother, I swear by the lords of heaven and hell that I will come over there if you can't manage to get over the hilarity without a little pain."

*Fine. I'm fine.* Snake Eyes straightened up. *I shall tell my grandchildren about this.*

"You won't live long enough to have any if you feel it necessary to ever talk about this again."

Scarlett lost the fight. She broke down in helpless laughter. "Oh, _god_…"

"_Kutabare, _Red." Tommy actually snarled.

Scarlett just laughed harder.


	8. Chapter 8

Jaye eyed the dead ninja on the floor thoughtfully, contemplating the fact that she didn't consider this as odd as she really should.

Sure, the battle had been pulse-pounding enough. That would just _never_ be not terrifying…she'd seen ninja fight a dozen times now, but it never failed to inspire a mixture of awe and unease.

The fact that she was even considering ninja battles semi-commonplace was actually a measure of just how weird her life was, she supposed. Her parents would have hysterics if they knew what their gently-bred and highly educated daughter was getting up to on her 'military kick'.

"What are we going to do with him?" Flint nodded at the now-conscious Red Hand ninja on Lin's desk. The man's eyes were open, and despite the pain he must have been in the glare being leveled at Tommy and Snake was more angry than scared. He twitched, and then attempted to struggle into a sitting position, favoring his broken limbs heavily. Tommy, who'd pulled his torn mask out of his belt and was examining the damage, almost absentmindedly reached over. He dug three fingers into the man's shoulder just above the collarbone and shoved him back down. The Red Hand agent yelped in pain and attempted to flinch away from the pressure; this only made Storm dig his fingers into the pressure point a little harder. The man went limp, obviously giving up.

"Stay down and still, and when I kill you I might make it painless." Storm Shadow said coolly. "Snake and I will deal with him and then dispose of him…If he's awake enough to struggle, he's awake enough to talk. You might not want to be around when we do it. This is a clan matter."

Jaye shifted uncomfortably. "_When_ you kill him? He's a potentially valuable prisoner."

Snake and Storm both leveled a scarily identical long, flat glare at her. Snake's hands moved. *Too dangerous.*

"My brother is right." Tommy tucked his mask back into his belt. "You should know what a ninja can do, Jaye…I escaped Alcatraz. Snake and I went through a whole damned island of armed soldiers. The Red Hand aren't as good as me or Snake, but there's nothing the military makes that could hold one for long. He'd be gone as soon as he healed, and he'd probably leave a couple dozen dead bodies in his wake."

"Young Master of the Arashikage." The Red Hand agent suddenly spoke, spitting the words as if they tasted bad. "Still siding with the _gaijan_ soldier...Taking him in was your uncle's greatest error."

Snake went stiff. Tommy glared, and snapped back in angry Japanese. Jaye understood a little Japanese; enough to make out the words 'brother', 'master', 'traitor', 'honorless', and 'behead'. Judging from the tone, she rather thought that this last one wasn't so much of a threat as probably the least painful way to die that was being offered.

The fact that these were some of the Japanese words she'd picked up through her contact with Storm Shadow was another good reflection on how weird her life was. If she had to ask for directions in Japan, she'd be in trouble, but she could rattle off a half dozen weapons and methods of decapitation without blinking.

She really ought to study Japanese. Working with ninja, it really would come in useful. She made a mental note to get herself some books when they got back to base.

"If he does much more talking." Tommy switched back to English, but he was still glaring at the enemy ninja. "He's not going to get a painless death."

The eyes behind the red mask narrowed. "I'm not afraid of death."

"Good." Tommy's voice was flat. "You should consider it an honor that the masters of the Arashikage themselves are going to kill you. You certainly don't deserve a clean death." He turned back to Flint. "All due respect to your place as leader, but this is a clan matter. We'll bring you whatever information he knows and we can get out of him…but this is a clan matter."

He hadn't said so out loud, but the tone was plain and Jaye understood what he'd left unsaid; 'Anyone not a ninja please leave.' She also knew that that tone in Storm's voice and that peculiar set to Snake Eyes' shoulders; it meant that they weren't dealing with their teammates and fellow soldiers anymore. They were dealing with the masters of the Arashikage clan, and clan issues had just taken precedence over orders. She glanced at Dash. Snake and Storm were going to do what they wanted to here, no matter what he said, but Flint was stubborn enough to argue with the two men if he decided that he disagreed with them.

Flint shifted his weight. Jaye knew that there was some deeply seated schism between the Arashikage and the Red Hand, and Flint knew it too. They'd both routinely seen Red Hand drop everything else to go after Snake and Storm. The G.I. Joe ninja certainly weren't averse to killing under normal circumstances, but when it came to Red Hand agents even Jinx and to a somewhat lesser extent Kamakura displayed a level of ferocity that was second only to the look Storm Shadow got in his eyes when Zartan was mentioned.

And, unfortunately, Storm Shadow was right. It was a little cold-blooded for Jaye's taste, but there was also something that she'd seen both Storm Shadow and Snake Eyes say; "If you ever have an enemy ninja at your mercy, kill him. You won't get a second chance."

She'd seen this proven true on more occasions than she really wanted to think about.

"Fine." Flint said at last. Jaye could see that he didn't like it, but he'd obviously come to the same conclusion as her. "Not that you'd listen to me anyway, but fine. What about these?" He gestured at the dead ninja bleeding on the floor.

*Give us two hours.* Snake Eyes signed.

Storm smiled tightly. "The less glamorous but no less necessary part of the job…we'll take care of it. Go and take our informant here back to the van. We'll be along."

Outside, with a slightly shell-shocked Lin being steered firmly along by Clutch and Flint, Jaye fell in beside Shana.

"So, what exactly happened between them?" She asked curiously. If anyone aside from the ninja knew, it would be Shana...and Scarlett was far more likely to actually talk.

Scarlett glanced at her. "The Arashikage and the Red Hand?"

Jaye nodded. "If it's not a story you're sworn to secrecy over or something like that."

Scarlett sighed. "No. It's a long story. I don't recommend bringing it up around Snake or Tommy, though. Especially Snake. It's a bit of a sensitive issue."

"I won't."

"The Red Hand ninja used to be Arashikage, or at least the founders of the clan were. When Snake was training, some of the clan didn't agree with the Hard and Soft Masters accepting a _gaijin_ soldier as a student. They claimed that he was a bad influence, that he'd tear the clan apart. They betrayed the clan and drew weapons against the clan masters when they didn't exile Snake."

Jaye whistled softly. She wasn't an expert, but she knew enough to know that something like that was more than enough to start a vendetta.

"Yeah. It wasn't pretty. They got beaten down pretty quickly…from what I've heard, Snake and Tommy were both pretty instrumental in that part…and of course if you draw weapons against a ninja master your life expectancy isn't going to be great. But most of the traitors were exiled. They vanished for a time, but then the Red Hand turned up, and it appears that the exiled Arashikage traitors founded the clan. 'Red Hand' is a reference to the clan tattoo…they still use the _ji ji_ symbol_,_ and they still use red ink. And they _hate _Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow. Particularly Snake. And the sentiment," Shana grinned humorlessly. "Is entirely mutual."

"That actually explains a lot." Jaye nodded slowly. "Shana, my friend, you have very strange taste in men. Most girls don't have to understand the intricacies of clan vendettas and warfare to tell a friend about their man's past."

This time, Shana's grin was mischievous. "Makes life more interesting. And you date a man who thinks needling BeachHead is a fun game and considers translating eleventh century Latin texts to be a romantic date, so you can't talk to me about crazy."

Jaye paused, shook her head and chuckled despite herself. "You know, I almost asked what isn't romantic about translating medieval texts together, but I realized that I'd just be proving your point."

Shana looked satisfied. "See? Besides, sane people are boring."

"Amen to that."

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"…and so that's what we've got so far, sir." Jaye leaned back in her chair and stretched. It was several hours after the ninja battle and retrieval of their informant, and they were back at the hotel and checking in with the Pit. "Destro's after radioactive material, and trying to be sneaky enough about it that we won't notice. What do you want us to do with our informant? If the Commander had ninja watching him, I'm guessing that there are other Cobra associates in the area keeping an eye on things. He seems quite keen on the idea of not getting killed…which I think is why he agreed to help them in the first place. A gun to the head is a remarkably persuasive bargaining technique."

Hawk's voice crackled over the radio. "I'll get in touch with the Chinese government and see if I can't get him some protection. Where is he now?"

Jaye glanced around. "Drinking Jack Daniel's straight from the bottle on the couch. I think the ninja battle somewhat unsettled him. Oh, and Snake and Storm didn't get anything out of the man they left...well, sort of alive. For awhile, anyway." She winced. "From what they say, the Red Hand were simply hired to watch the man, kill us if we tried to get to him, and kill him if he talked to us. None of that worked so well for them."

"They'll do that the first few times you see one." Hawk's voice was dry. "And there's a reason I like having all of the really good ninja on my side. Keep our good Mr. Lin alive for me, will you? Before he gets too drunk, find out how much of that stuff Destro actually got his hands on and where it was shipped. I do _not _like the prospect of Cobra Commander with nuclear capability."

"Yes, sir."

"And try to get it out of him nicely. I'm talking to you, Storm."

Tommy, repairing his mask on the other side of the room, scowled but stood and stalked over. He was still in a royally foul mood, mostly because Clutch, emboldened by the measure of protection offered by a highly amused Snake Eyes, had filled in Wild Bill and Stalker on the glue trap incident.

Stalker had actually fallen most of the way out of his chair laughing. Wild Bill, after he'd gained enough control of his laughter to talk, had voiced a desire to see pictures, and had suggested that they all chip in to buy several dozen sticky traps to scatter throughout the Pit when they got back in hopes of a repeat. Tommy hadn't been pleased.

"Yes, sir." Storm said shortly. "No breaking anything on the informant unless absolutely necessary."

"Good. Don't be surprised if the local police get in touch with you about our friend within the next few hours. Keep me posted."

"Yes, sir."

After Hawk cut his connection, Jaye rose to her feet, walked over to the couch, and pried the liquor bottle out of Lin's hands. He made a sound of protest.

"You've had enough." Jaye's voice was gentle, but firm. "We need you at least semi coherent." She watched as his eyes darted towards Storm Shadow, who was still sulking, and then nervously around as if looking for Snake Eyes, who'd disappeared with some food a few minutes ago.

"They're on our side, you know." She said.

"Ninja." Lin's voice was slightly slurred. "_Ninja._ Didn't think they were _real._ Then they're in my office, threatening me, and then there are American military agents with _more _ninja in my office threatening me, and then _ninja are fighting in my office..."_

"I know it's a little much to take in all at once." Jaye felt rather bad for the little man, really. The Joes were more or less used to ninja...they'd served with one since their inception and with two full ninja and two apprentices for awhile now...and they _still _considered the commandos weird and slightly unsettling on occasion. "But he's not going to hurt you..."

"I promised." Tommy said darkly. "I can't unless you really refuse to talk."

Lin went a few shades whiter. Jaye glared. "Storm, you aren't helping."

"Yes, I am. Scared talks faster."

Jaye sighed. "Anyway, he won't hurt you, because you're going to tell me what I need to know, aren't you? Because then you're going to get the police and the military to protect you, and you won't have to worry about anyone hurting you. Right?"

"I'll answer your questions." Lin's eyes were still fixed firmly on the ninja, who had finished fixing his mask and was now examining the blade of his _kasuri-kama _critically.

"Excellent." Jaye said cheerfully. "Now, let's start with how much of that purchase you actually shipped..."

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"So that's what we're looking at." Jaye finished. "One hundred and twenty tons were shipped to a warehouse in Bangkok owned by a subsidiary of Extensive Enterprises...and that is the _worst_ corporate name in history, sir, just a note...and were marked as 'received'. Lin has no idea where it was bound from there. I'd advise further investigation, and I'd put Breaker up to a little electronic snooping too."

"You're cleared to proceed to Bangkok and continue investigation." Hawk said immediately. "I'll get Breaker to do whatever it is that he does to get us information. Have the police..."

"We turned a very relieved, unbroken, and drunk businessman over to them not half an hour ago." Jaye grinned to herself. "I don't think he was very keen on his little stay with us, sir. I think it might have been the guns and knives. Seemed to set him on edge."

"I can't guess why. Good work, Jaye. Keep me updated."

"Thank you sir. Yes, sir."

Hawk cut the connection. Jaye stretched; her spine popped.

"We're moving on?" Flint sounded vaguely disappointed, and stifled a yawn.

Jaye smiled at him. "Not right away. We'll have to arrange for a flight and all that. We'll have one more night here. And we can come back here, Dash. I've got some leave time built up, and I know you do too."

Stalker, who'd been listening in, hid a smile. "Bill's already off arranging air transport." He jerked a thumb over his shoulder in the direction the pilot had just vanished in. "You two look dead on your feet. Go get some rest. I'll watch the comm setup for awhile."

Flint shot him a look of deep gratitude. "Thanks."

Stalker, still keeping his face strictly neutral, shrugged. "Anytime."

As soon as Flint's back was turned, Jaye favored Stalker with a blinding smile. He winked in response.

In their suite, Jaye showered and fixed herself a cup of tea while Dash cleaned up too. He came out of the bathroom a few minutes later, a towel around his waist and looking considerably more cheerful. Jaye set her tea carefully aside on the bedside table.

"Dash." She said in a tone of mock severity. "We've only got a few hours left here."

"True." He smiled slowly.

"We've yet to properly break in this bed."

"True again." He was grinning now, with the cocky gleam in his eye that infuriated BeachHead to no end.

"We really ought to change that." She folded her arms. "Don't you think?"

His eyes twinkled. "As milady commands."


	9. Chapter 9

Boat noodles are FREAKING DELICOUS. Like, oh-my-god-where-do-I-sell-my-soul-for-more-of-these delicious. Thai food in general has this effect on me, however. Boat noodles and roast duck with red curry are probably tied for my top favorite Thai dish, though. Holygod awesome. Storm Shadow is seen in the comics eating noodles more than anything else, and I can only deduce that they are one of his favorite foods.

Dammit. I'm hungry now.

Also, I think that I may think too much about such odd things as how you'd collect income tax from assassins. My fiancée says I'm strange, and I cannot really deny this.

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Bangkok, Thailand, was one of the great tourist destinations of the world. It was also home to a great deal of very cutthroat businesses; companies of all types had facilities there. It was part of being a port city.

Sometimes, the fight for money was cutthroat in the literal meaning of the word; the Arashikage clan had been contacted more than once about espionage of company secrets and even assassination of ranking board members. They'd even taken a few targeting less-than-savory businesses, and as a result one young agent by the name of Tomisaburo had been to the city long before he found himself there again, this time with a covert American black ops team. After this many years in his singularly unusual profession, Tommy didn't even blink an eye at the exotic locales he found himself in.

Being able to put 'ninja' down in the 'occupation' section of your taxes generally meant that you got around quite a bit. You went where the work was and where the highly-paying employers were, and that could mean that one week you'd be in Spain and the next you'd be hanging out in some godforsaken part of South America for a hit on some high-up drug lord.

Not, when it came to taxes, that he paid any. Well, on his payroll check from the US government he did. But Tommy didn't work for Hawk for the money; however much hazard pay he pulled, he could make infinitely more by freelancing. Employers had actually choked on beverages before when he informed them what kind of fees he charged, but they paid. He was the best, after all; when employers didn't find you, but you found the employers…well, that was when you knew you were in the top echelon in the covert ops arena.

As a result of his commissions from his work for his clan and from the occasional job he still did on the side, Tommy had a series of accounts under various aliases, along with the old clan accounts. All were worth quite a bit, and were studiously ignored by anyone relevant. Ninja knew when and where to grease a few palms to make a bureaucracy work in their favor, and the Japanese government extended its policy of 'Ninja? We've no idea what you're talking about' to include their bank balances. This was mostly (okay, purely) out of a healthy sense of self-preservation.

(Tax collectors seemed rather reluctant to audit ninja clans, for some reason. This had quite a bit to do with the fact that the clans (a couple of whom were better than a thousand years old) viewed the modern, non-militant Japanese government more or less as the new kid on the block who just needed to remember their place. One particularly vigilant, well-meaning, and stupid lawyer had, some years before Tommy's birth, apparently attempted to nail down the Oda clan on tax evasion. His body had never been found, and no one else had pursued the matter. )

When he'd been working for Cobra…well, the Commander moved every other week out of a well-developed sense of paranoia, Destro had his own hideouts, the Baroness had hers (these overlapped with Destro's quite a bit). Tomax and Xamot had theirs, Zartan had his (all new now, and Tommy only knew one or two of them; the Dreadnok leader had prudently abandoned his old hideouts since Tommy and Snake had figured out exactly who's hand had been on the bowstring the night the Hard Master had died). Major Bludd had his own hidden lairs, and then there were of course the various bases, training facilities, weapon dumps, and labs that the terrorist organization maintained and that for assorted reasons Tommy had found himself at over the years.

This meant that Tommy had probably spent more of his life traveling than not. He'd been on every continent in the world, including Antarctica.

(That particular stint had _not_ been the most pleasant of experiences. Sure, they'd all worn artic gear and he could deal with cold better than most. But when you built a base under the ice and kept it under the freezing point to cut down on the chance of discovery, it was impossible to _not _get cold. The clothes had to come off occasionally offfor such things as showers and changing,which was where things got uncomfortable_._ This was where the methods of regulating your own body temperature came in and, well,they had limits. Out of morbid interest, Tommy had put a thermometer in his quarters one night; it had read exactly ten degrees when he dragged himself out from under his pile of blankets the next morning. The Commander's next stop of choice had been in the middle of the Sahara desert, which had actually felt _good _in comparison.)

Over the years, he'd become at least semi-familiar with most of the major cities in the world. His last trip to Thailand, however, had been years ago. He'd been about eighteen, hadn't been in Vietnam yet, and had been a full agent for all of two years. The thing he remembered most was the food; Tommy had a deeply-seated fondness for Thai food, in particular boat noodles. At the time, still in the bottomless-pit phase that every teenager went through, the street vendors had made a greater impression on him than the espionage mission he'd been on.

It wasn't until he'd gotten back and had been pounced on by several of the other agents looking for some good stories that he'd realized that most single (or married) men traveling in Thailand didn't go to Bangkok for the food. Five minutes of stories later and Tommy, who wasn't by any means a prude, had learned _way _more than he'd ever wanted to know about some rather exotic activities that were readily for sale in several rather famous areas of Bangkok. He would be quite happy living his entire life without seeing some of the more unusual displays that had been mentioned.

It was because of this that he was currently glaring at the radio, willing Breaker to be pulling their leg. Clutch had perked up as soon as the words "Patpong District" had been spoken.

"…From what I've dug up, you're looking for a man by the name of Samuel Patterson. Eurasian; his mother was from Okinawa, and his father an American serviceman who married her when he was stationed overseas during the Second World War. He manages the Bangkok warehouse and shipping facilities of Double EE shipping, which is owned by Extensive Enterprises. If anyone knows where that stuff was sent, he will."

Jaye leaned forward in her plane seat. "Just to clarify…we're to look for this man in a _whorehouse?_ You're serious?_"_

Breaker sounded like he was enjoying himself far too much. "From what information I can find on him, he owns a popular club in the heart of the Patpong red light district. If he's not in the Double EE shipping offices, he'll be there."

Across the aisle from Tommy, Flint already looked uncomfortable. "We'll try the shipping offices first."

"And with any luck, he won't be there." Clutch was grinning.

"Oh…Clutch, buddy, you'll like this…" Breaker sounded downright gleeful. "They've got 'attractions' going on twenty-four-seven. Apparently the main attraction of the club is a show where they have two women…"

Shana reached over and shut off the radio to the sounds of loud groans from the seat behind her. She turned and glared until Clutch shut up, then glanced at Snake, who was out cold in his own seat. She shook her head. "He is _not _going to be happy about this."

"We could just stake out his office at the shipping subsidiary until he shows up." Jaye pointed out.

Flint perked up. Clutch scowled. "You're all prudes. C'mon, Storm. Tell them to get the sticks out of their asses." He eyed Tommy's expression and sighed. "Not you too…I was hoping for an ally here, man!"

"I don't pay for sex, and I don't pay to watch sex." Tommy said shortly. "Unlike you, I can get women without having to pay them. It's demeaning to the women…or men, as case may be."

Shana and Jaye both eyed him with mild surprise. "That's true, actually." Shana raised an eyebrow. "For once, I agree with you, Tommy."

"I don't suppose you know another place where we can get free rooms?" Flint was clearly trying to change the subject.

Tommy shook his head. "I don't know many people here either. I've only been to Thailand twice, and the last time I was about eighteen."

"Maybe Stalker will…" Clutch cut of the statement with a yelp as Shana calmly slammed her chair back all the way back, catching the driver squarely on the kneecaps.

Stalker, who'd until this point been dozing, cracked an eye open. "I heard my name."

"Red's just maiming Clutch for being a misogynistic bastard and trying to drag you down with him." Tommy grinned. "Go back to sleep, 'Lonzo."

"Oh." Stalker shut his eyes and immediately resumed snoring.

Tommy settled himself a bit more comfortably and shut his own eyes. They had some time yet before they landed, and his luck wasn't completely shot, they wouldn't have to go anywhere near the notorious Patpong…

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My brain is having entirely too much fun with the next chapter; it'll probably be up before too long. Flint'll probably be scarred for life. Heh heh heh.


	10. Chapter 10

I LIVE! No, I'm not dead. The fiancée and I have been fixing up an old farmhouse we recently bought (Read; lots of manual labor. Also, an interesting note; plaster dust is remarkably tenacious stuff), and I've been preparing for a martial arts test and working more hours than normal. Writing kind of fell in the category of "I'll do that when I get some more of that thing called "free time" again" for awhile.

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"The whole WEEK?" Jaye glared at the woman on the other side of the desk.

Of course. Tommy pinched the bridge of his nose, wondering if he'd somehow tempted Murphy by hoping his luck would hold.

"Yes…he took a week of vacation. He said there were some issues with his other business that needed to be taken care of." The pretty young receptionist looked slightly uncomfortable when talking about her employer's other business ventures; she was also giving Flint the once-over out of the corner of her eye. Jaye's eyebrows were drawing together and the intel agent was scowling. Flint was carefully looking anywhere but the receptionists' low-cut blouse. "If you really need to speak with him, I have the address…but I…ah…don't know how badly you want to go there. You see…"

"We've heard rumors about the kind of business he owns." Jaye said shortly. "You don't have to elaborate."

"Oh." A look of relief flashed across the girl's face. She pulled a notepad towards her and scribbled an address. "The name of the club is Lotus Bridge. You said you were friends of his?"

"Business friends." Jaye was still narrowing her eyes at the girl. "My family deals in exotic imports; Double EE enterprises takes care of a great deal of our shipping in this part of the world."

"Ah." The girl smiled. "Would you like me to give him a call and let him know you're coming?"

"No." Jaye waved a hand. "It'll be a nice surprise for him. I haven't seen him in a good long while. I don't have long here, so I suppose I'll have to brave the red light district. And the bodyguards," Her glare here was focused directly on Flint, "Better not get too distracted by the scenery."

"Wouldn't dream of it." Flint looked slightly nervous.

"Good. Thank you very much."

The receptionist waved cheerfully at them as they walked out. A short man with a badge that identified him as a security tech and a harassed expression pushed past them, muttering something about the "damn rats chewed through the damn wires to the damn security cameras again". Tommy grinned just a little to himself; the damage _did _look like rats had done it. He'd spent half an hour making sure of that.

Some people didn't believe that something like disabling a security system could be an art form. Those people had never seen a truly gifted operative who really, really loved his job and had all the time he needed at work. It was the little touches that could mean the difference between an alarm being sounded and rodents being cursed out.

Once they were in the car, Clutch let himself grin in glee. "There is a God, and he does love me." He eyed Flint. "Also, why do all the hot women we run into either eye up you or Storm? Cosmically unfair."

"You can have her." Jaye scowled. "Hussy. And you are _not _going on a vacation here, Clutch. God, I can't believe that we have to go to a whorehouse, of all places."

"I know." Clutch snickered. "Man, I should get a camera…pictures of Flint in a brothel would be priceless." He glanced at Flint's warning expression. "Purely because you'll be so out of place because you are far too classy a man to ever be caught dead in such a place. Sir. Would never try to get compromising pictures of you with Thai prostitutes, sir. Realize that I would be killed messily for such a despicable act, sir. Don't want to be busted to Private, sir. Was kidding, sir. Haha, isn't Clutch funny? Shutting up now, sir."

"Good save." Flint crossed his arms. Clutch concentrated on driving, but there was still a smirk threatening to reach Cheshire cat proportions on the Mauler driver's face.

The hotel they were staying at this time wasn't quite the type of establishment that Jaye had termed "Cockroach trap," but it wasn't a five-star destination either. It was clean, at least; Tommy rather felt that given the fact G.I. Joe more or less had a blank check from Uncle Sam they should have been able to write off something with room service, but Flint had held firm.

Snake Eyes was meticulously touching up the edge on a few _shuriken_ when they walked into one of the three rooms they'd appropriated. He glanced up, took one look at Tommy's face, and sighed.

Scarlett looked at Snake, at Flint and Jaye's identical scowls, at Clutch's grin, and dropped her face into one hand. "We've got to go to the brothel, don't we?"

"We apparently showed up during the one week of the year that our target took vacation." Flint sighed.

"Cheer up." Clutch sounded entirely too cheerful. "It's not going to kill you, and it'll be over fairly quickly."

*It's not the mission he's worried about.* Snake Eyes interjected. *And I don't blame him.*

Jaye smiled slightly. "Oh, I trust Dash. I know he'd never look at another woman. Would you, dear? Especially if they're naked harlots throwing themselves at him."

Flint looked from her, to Tommy, to Snake. "How's that _seppuku_ thing work again?"

"You gut yourself, and then your second cuts your head off." Tommy drew a knife and offered it over, hilt first. "I'll volunteer as your second."

Flint raised his eyebrows. "That sounds…painful."

"It's supposed to be. But you have to weigh the alternative; extreme humiliation, dishonor, scraping and begging for forgiveness on your knees before an entirely unreasonable woman for daring to have eyeballs, having to purchase obscene amounts of chocolate and flowers, and still possibly getting your balls removed with a combat knife in your sleep."

Flint shuddered. "When you put it like that…"

Jaye punched him in the arm and leveled a warning finger at Tommy. "It's not Dash I'd go after with the combat knife if you don't cut it out."

Tommy snorted. "You wouldn't be the first person to go after me with a knife in my sleep. Snake, you remember what I did to that man who snuck past Wade in the Dong No river valley and tried to knife me when I was sacking out?"

Snake Eyes winced. *Yes.*

"Okay, okay." Jaye scowled. "Where are the others? Who do you suppose we should take? Clutch, we know you're volunteering. Put your hand down."

An hour later, a very reluctant Flint, Jaye, Scarlett, Tommy, and an entirely overly enthusiastic Clutch were standing a half a block from the notorious Patpong. Snake Eyes was nowhere to be seen, but even over the noise of a large city Tommy could hear well enough to know that his friend was currently playing the part of a shadow in the nearby alley.

"Everyone ready? Shana is my translator, you guys are my bodyguards, and I'm a rich but slightly airheaded business heiress. Questions? Snake Eyes is still with us?"

Tommy nodded.

"Good. Let's get this over with."

Five minutes later, and Clutch was attempting to look in no less than five directions at once, and was keeping up a running commentary on the sights that was making Tommy consider the pros and cons of applying a judicious sleeper hold.

"Fake…fake, but nice…real…real, and _goddamn…_fake, but spectacular…that's just _nice_…whoa…" Clutch nudged Flint in the ribs and nodded to their left, where a girl was doing her best to catch customer's eyes and get more patrons into the club paying her. "You know, say what you will, but it takes _talent _to get tassels going different directions."

Flint glanced at the admittedly impressive display of muscular control despite himself. His eyes went wide, and he swallowed hard and snapped his eyes back front and center to find Jaye eyeing him. He went a few shades paler.

"Clutch, I can KP you until you have grandchildren and bust you down to boot crud scraper." The warrant officer muttered through clenched teeth.

"Uh?" Clutch was staring at the front window of one of the clubs. The plate glass gave an excellent view of the stage show happening within; clothes seemed to be frowned upon, but yoga must have been mandatory for the 'employees'. Tommy felt his eyebrows rise despite himself. "Guys…the sign says there's a two-for-one sale going on…"

Shana leveled a Look at him. Clutch gave the building one more long look, sighed, and reluctantly followed.

The street was packed. Tommy both liked and hated large crowds; they made it easy to hide, but it was also necessary to try and keep an eye on everyone at once. Fortunately, he was very, very good at eyeballing a crowd and picking out the people who might prove to be obstacles. He did another scan of their surroundings and noticed two Yakuza mobsters, a Chinese Triad, two organized crime bosses from…he listened harder to pick up their accent…Chicago, and a smattering of small-time criminals of varying professions.

Fortunately, all of the above (with the exception of a few pickpockets) were here on pleasure, not business. Their attention was focused firmly on the truly mind-bending display of mostly-naked skin of both genders, the flashing neon of the clubs, and the promised alcohol-fueled kinky debauch that the signs outside the brothels advertised.

There were a few pickpockets working the crowd, targeting mostly the people who were just drunk enough to not notice another tourist bumping against them but not so drunk that it was obvious that their cash had already been blown through.

One young man glanced at them, eyeing Flint's watch. Tommy caught his eye; the kid blanched and hurriedly looked away.

Less than a minute later, however, the hair stood up on the back of Tommy's neck as they walked past a narrow alley. It was almost impossible to pinpoint one heartbeat amongst the dozens around them, but he hadn't survived this long by not listening to his instincts.

When the hand went for his pocket, he had the fingers wrenched back in a pressure lock and his hand over the would-be-thief's mouth before the younger man could so much as squeak in alarm. Tommy calmly walked him backwards, until they were hidden in the narrow alley. He heard the Joes behind him perking up and following, unsure of what was going on but automatically anticipating imminent violence.

"It's fine." He said to Flint, who had his sidearm out of the cross-draw holster and the safely off. "Just a petty thief."

The kid…probably eighteen or nineteen…let out a muffled whimper as the group of rich American tourists he'd supposed to be an easy mark proceeded to slide their weapons away, which made them look marginally less dangerous but no less competent.

Then he whimpered again as a specter of black death loomed up from nowhere; Tommy could feel the poor idiot shaking as Snake dropped down from a rooftop.

"It's okay, Snake. Just an idiot after easy cash." Snake Eyes relaxed; Tommy glared at his victim again. "If you scream, I'll hurt you." Tommy said calmly. The kid nodded frantically, and Tommy uncovered his mouth.

"Some professional advice." Tommy glared. "From someone _far _better at illegal operations than you. Choose your marks better. If they look even halfway aware of what's going on around them, they aren't for the cutpurse just starting out. Also…" He flipped open the young man's wallet and examined the contents. "You're carrying your ID on you _while _working?" Tommy sighed. "I take it back. Give up crime, or you'll be playing punching dummy for the local police in short order."

The kid blinked. "When…How'd you get that? I didn't see you…I didn't feel a _thing._"

"Like I said; I'm _far _better at this than you." Tommy let the young man go and tossed him the wallet back. The kid shook his hand and flexed his fingers a few times, clearly not quite convinced that nothing was broken. "It astounds me that while you managed to pick out one of the few groups here who are professionals, you managed to pick the only one that wouldn't cut your hands off when they caught you." He shook his head. "Idiot. A _lucky _idiot."

"He going to be a security threat?" Scarlett frowned.

The kid shook his head frantically. Snake, almost smiling, also shook his head.

*He's just a kid who was looking to make some quick money. He's probably going to go crawl under his bed and cry for awhile.* The smile under the black mask quirked upwards a bit more. *I think Tommy might have just scared him straight."

Tommy smirked as they unobtrusively melted into the crowd again and Snake shot up a wall and back onto a rooftop, leaving a white-faced, shaking young man holding his wallet and looking rather shell-shocked standing in the shadows of the alleyway. "I do try."


	11. Chapter 11

In which Clutch's balls suffer some blunt impact trauma.

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It wasn't often that Snake Eyes was _glad _for the difficulty he had blending in with regular people. Prosthetic masks worked, but they were hot and itchy and he didn't like using them unless he had to.

Fortunately, he was very, very good at staying unseen. This often meant that he got to play the role of the unseen and silent guardian on missions, and he didn't mind this at all. Actually, most times he rather enjoyed it; one of the reasons he was so good at what he did was because he _liked _doing what he did, and the opportunity to play the stealthy ninja dealing death to his enemies wasn't something he'd turn down.

But there were other times, when he was watching a group walk through a crowd without so much as a second thought, that he scowled to himself and envied them. This wasn't one of those times. Actually, Snake Eyes didn't think he'd ever been more thankful to have an excuse to _not _be there on street level with the others. Particularly as he watched Clutch's pointing out of the sights and habitual and perfectly innocuous scanning for threats gradually digging a hapless Flint a deeper and deeper hole.

Snake shook his head. _Poor man. _He was quietly hoping that everything went smoothly and he never had to show himself. Because as much as she knew he loved her, Shana did tend towards jealousy, and Snake still had eyes, which was all that was needed to commit innumerable sins in this particular neighborhood.

The prospect of an irritated girlfriend wasn't a good one. Snake was guessing that the question "Were you looking at the attractive, mostly naked woman who was propositioning you for sex?" was one of those where there wasn't any right answer.

The Lotus Bridge was easily found; it was one of the larger establishments on its block. As the rest of the team headed for the front doors, Snake rapidly assessed the structure.

There was a skylight open. Below was an empty office. He grinned; sometimes the universe aligned to make his job really, really easy.

In the office, he located an air conditioning duct. It was far too small to crawl through; he glanced around, and then slid over to the door.

The hall was empty. A few minutes of skulking around told him that the floor he was on was mostly unused, with a few accounting offices. The floor below was mostly rooms of the small and rentable by the hour variety. Below that was the main floor, where the main shows, dressing (or rather, undressing) rooms for the staff, and bar were located.

Hidden behind a large, ornamental vase, he spotted the team; they'd apparently located one of Patterson's aides, and Jaye was rapidly charming her way into an unscheduled meeting.

Flint was carefully looking at the ceiling. Shana's face was blank, but Snake could tell her "I'm not acknowledging anything around me because I don't want to think about it" blank face from her "Bored guard duty" blank face.

Clutch was, to his credit, valiantly trying to pay attention to the mission-related conversation…but his eyes kept going back to the stage, where there was a very naked, quite shapely, extremely flexible woman performing decidedly impressive acrobatic stunts on a stripper pole. Another woman sidled up to him, obviously deciding that a fairly attractive, very fit, and by all appearances moderately well-off foreigner was a good potential client. Clutch, looking mournful, sighed visibly as he turned her down.

Tommy, being Tommy, was simultaneously ignoring the women attempting to catch his attention, looking mildly bored, and scrutinizing the room warily. His eyes fixed on the six-foot ornamental vase near the stairwell door for a moment, and the corner of his lips might have twitched in a smile for a bare second.

It wasn't long before the aide was leading the team towards the stairwell; Snake waited for a moment for them to turn the corner and followed them up stealthily.

The team was shown into a large, posh office. It took all of his skill, but Snake managed to slip in unnoticed behind them. Silently thanking whoever had seen fit to put a large, padded bench by the door, he eeled his way under it and froze.

The man sitting behind the desk was tall, with black hair going slightly gray at the temples and the build of a weightlifter. There were four scantily clad women lounging on various plush chairs.

Snake Eyes narrowed his eyes. Except the women weren't wearing high heels, they were far more fit than jobs as professional doxies warranted, they were watching his teammates with looks that were far more wary than should be warranted, and that was the top of a well-loved knife hilt just barely poking out of the top of one of those far-too-sensible boots.

Bodyguards, then.

Flint shut the door after the aide. Patterson looked up from the paperwork he was frowning intently at. His eyebrows creased infinitesimally.

"You don't seem familiar…I thought Jones said I knew you."

"I just have a few questions for you." Jaye's voice was soft, but there was steel there. "Don't try to run, and don't bother pretending you don't know the answers."

Patterson shot to his feet; his hand went to his desk drawer that presumably held a gun. He froze, however, when Jaye, Clutch and Scarlett both leveled their sidearms at him in about a tenth of a second.

The four woman shot to their feet and launched themselves at the threat to their employer with the smooth grace that advertised some expertise in…Snake caught a glimpse the knee strike that one slammed into Clutch's groin as he shot out of hiding to intercept the second…Muay Thai.

Clutch yelped, went to his knees, but managed to topple into his assailant and take her down with him. Snake Eyes didn't see what happened after that; he was twisting a knife out of a well-manicured hand. An elbow flashed up, aimed for his temple; he leaned back, and the strike missed.

One hip-throw later, and she was on the ground, but still fighting. She drew another knife from a thigh-sheath; Snake caught the strike and with a sharp twist broke her wrist. She yelped in pain, but still managed to knee him hard in the ribs. Snake had one hand around her neck and was applying a sleeper hold in the blink of an eye.

"Kill them! For the love of God, kill them! They're spies! Kill…" Patterson grunted suddenly, and went silent.

The female bodyguard went limp; Snake stood.

The other bodyguards were down too. The one who'd kneed Clutch was unconscious, having apparently hit her head hard when she'd been knocked sprawling by a toppling, pained, angry man. Clutch himself was back on his feet, walking in small circles, wincing with every step and cursing under his breath. One had made the mistake of going after Shana, and was now whimpering softly and nursing what looked like a broken knee. The last…Snake eyed the scene…the last had apparently gone after Tommy with one of the sharp metal hairsticks that had been holding her bun up, and then drawn a gun on him when he disarmed her.

She was fairly certainly dead. The sharp metal stick was deeply embedded between the ribs just to the left of the breastbone.

Jaye had Patterson back against the wall. Her sidearm was aimed squarely at his balls.

"Any other flunkies for us to go through?" Jaye's voice was hard. "Love how you like your muscle to be on call if you get horny, too. Classy."

Patterson swallowed. "They're not actually women, to tell the truth. Men…_watch_ it with that thing, would you? I've always believed that men are more willing to kill if necessary. However, women are less threatening for when you don't want to frighten a client...and, well….._dammit, _watch where you're shoving that piece…Thailand is famous for its transvestites."

"Really?" Shana leveled her sidearm at his skull. "Strange. We've killed lots of men, and never had much of a problem with it."

"I'm considering reevaluating my position." Patterson was starting to sweat; looking directly down the barrel of a nine millimeter Glock generally had that effect on people.

"We've got a few questions for you." Flint seemed much more comfortable on 'intimidate information out of the Cobra agent' turf.

"And if I don't answer, what are you going to do? Shoot me?"

"No." Jaye smiled. "Well, yes. Not fatally, though I'm sure you'd rather I kill you than put a bullet through your testicles."

Patterson went a few shades paler.

"That's what I thought. Now, you recently handled a large shipment of stone, shipped by sea from Hong Kong. Where did it go?"

"Cambodia. You wouldn't really…"

"I've been in a very bad mood since starting my stroll through this neighborhood. I've been mistaken for a working girl three times. Castrating you might make me feel better. Where in Cambodia?"

"Mekong river basin, near Lumphât."

Snake firmly kept himself from twitching. He'd been to the Mekong river basin before…sure, it had been further downstream, in the delta, and Cambodia wasn't Vietnam, but it had been within spitting distance of the Mekong river that he and Tommy had barely managed to limp to safety after their first squad had been utterly slaughtered. There were some associations that just never went away, and the images that flashed through his head when he heard the phrase 'Mekong River' were of the decidedly unpleasant sort.

"How long ago did it go out?"

"Three days."

"How long before it gets there?"

Patterson shrugged. "Depends…if everything went right and they made great time, could be tomorrow. Could be another week."

"I want all your records on the shipment."

Patterson pointed. "Disc case, top drawer. Silver one with the blue logo. Could you _please _point that gun somewhere else? _Anywhere _else? My heart, maybe?"

"Do you know anything other than where the shipment went?"

"Just that the Twins said it was for Destro. I think he's got some sort of lab hidden in the jungle or something."

"Tommy?"

"He's telling the truth." Tommy was apparently calm, but his eyes had gone sharp too, and Snake knew that his sword brother was remembering the same things as him.

"Good." Jaye raised her gun to point at Patterson's temple instead. "Flint, grab that flash drive, would you? And what are we going to do with him?"

"Police?" Clutch suggested. He seemed to be over the worst of the agony.

"No…he hasn't technically done anything illegal." Scarlett frowned. "He does have solid ties to Cobra. We could take him back with us and give him to Hawk as a present. He'd get off, but it'd keep him quiet for long enough for us to sort out this whole mess."

"You have _no right…_" Patterson puffed up angrily.

"You could give him to me, and then we won't have to ever worry about him talking again." Tommy leveled a long, narrow-eyed glare at the taller man. "I never did like the Twins…killing you would make their life more difficult, wouldn't it?"

"…or, I could go with you quietly." Patterson finished.

Jaye smiled. "Good! We're all in agreement then."

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"…So we've got a captive Cobra agent, a location for a possible hidden Cobra lab, four gigabytes worth of shipping records that give us the exact locations of the lab in question and what looks like five other sites of interest, and we didn't lose Clutch in a whorehouse." Scarlett rolled her neck; Snake Eyes heard her spine crack. "Advise returning to Pit, remanding prisoner into custody, and letting Breaker go nuts with those surveillance satellites he's so fond of."

"Agreed. If we've got a Cobra weapons lab on our hands, we need more intel before moving." Hawk sounded pleased. "Come on back. I'll arrange accommodations for our guest and get Breaker on the case. Good job, soldiers."

"Thank you, sir. Yes, sir."

Hawk cut the connection. Shana pushed her chair back, stood, and turned to face Snake Eyes.

They'd been back for about an hour. They'd rented another room, where Tommy and Clutch were currently pulling guard duty on their captive. Jaye and Flint had had a swift whispered but tense argument, had refused to talk to each other for about twenty minutes, and then had another swift whispered discussion which to Snake had sounded a lot like frantic apologizing. The pair had disappeared to "Get some sleep" ten minutes ago. Snake doubted sleeping was actually the pastime at the forefront of their minds, but really didn't want to pursue the thought any further than that.

*Thank God that's over.* Snake signed to his girlfriend.

"Really?"

The tone of her voice made Snake Eyes swallow convulsively. _Shit…_he hadn't _done_ anything, why the hell would she be mad…

*Shana?* He signed carefully.

"You're sure you didn't enjoy the part where you got to wrestle an attractive woman to the floor?" Shana narrowed her eyes. "Because you looked like you were enjoying that quite a bit, mister."

_Shitshitshit…_*Shana, that _wasn't a woman. _And I did _not…*_

Her glare suddenly broke, and Snake abruptly realized that he'd been had. He glared as she started laughing.

"Oh, _god…_I'm sorry, Snake. Really. But I _had _to."

*That wasn't nice.* Snake Eyes was still glaring. *That really, really wasn't nice. You have a warped sense of humor.* He folded his arms.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry." She was still laughing. "Oh, your _face…_you can look like a kicked puppy right through that mask, you know."

Snake Eyes, realizing that he wasn't going to end up apologizing for an accidental slight on his knees, was relaxing again. Shana stood, leaned against him, and rested her head on his shoulder.

"Sorry." She murmured. "You've got one free screw-up on the house now. You're allowed to forget my birthday so long as you remember within a week, tease me for being bossy, use my favorite beat-up flannel shirt to oil your swords, or use the last of my shampoo and not get me more."

Snake smiled despite himself. He uncrossed his arms. *I don't use your shampoo. It smells like peaches. Ninja do not smell like peaches.*

"I know for a fact that you once used it to give Timber a bath."

Snake paused. *Okay. Yes, I might have done that.*

"You did do that, lover. But it was an improvement on whatever he'd rolled in, so I wasn't complaining." Shana tilted her head up and kissed the underside of his jaw; Snake swallowed. Shana smiled. "And when we go off duty, I'm going to have my way with you until you can't remember any woman but me."

Snake Eyes glanced at the clock. They had exactly _way _too long left on their shift. Shana kissed him on the jaw again, sat down by the radio once more, and went back to looking through the information on their captured disc.

Snake Eyes located his whetstone and honing oil and started touching up the already-immaculate edge of his trench knife. With any luck, he'd be able to keep himself busy enough that the shift went quickly…


End file.
